Blog Comments

You're lucky - you have a real live sub whom you love to work it out with. Ask her how she feels about what you do to her. Never stop asking.
Do you hit the switch during events or does it make you reluctant to even try things? Or is it just a feeling of wrongness you're left with that sours your mind? Work your way deliberately through various activities and see where your block lies. It may be useful to know exactly where it lies. You want to please your sub as well as pleasing yourself but remember, you please her primarily by allowing her to please you. If you just want to please her as a partner, it's not really BDSM, just a bit of bedroom kink. What do you want as a Dom? Is it wrong to want this, wrong to get it from your sub? Remember, as a Dom you don't have to hurt or humiliate your sub. There are plenty of other less severe BDSM activities you can employ as long as it's what you both want. Sit down together and work out what you are both looking for. Then you can hardly feel bad for causing her pain or humiliation if it's what she craves. Knowing your own mind is half the battle. Your feelings will catch up with your knowledge.
Take care,
Pearlgem x x

Thank you for the post. I realize in re-reading things that I kinda trailed off and strayed from my real point.

It was that post that made me realize that there was that "shift" in my mind and it made me question if that is holding anything back from my current relationship.

There have been instances where things have been brought up and because I care for, love, and respect her, I want to please her as a partner and as a Dom, however, some things have just clicked in my head as "wrong".

I question if I actually do feel this, or am more relying on that "safety net" of morals and expectations that I've grown up with due to my upbringing.

I'm curious to see if there are ways to figure this out, other than the obvious way of actually experiencing and experimenting (safely, but of course).

Well, okay, some subs want a macho bully boy but it's obviously not your style!

Don't ever stop deeply caring for and respecting a submissive, Omg. One thing that strikes me is your imagined thoughts inside the head of that submissive who posted those lovely pics of herself in obedience to her Master. Yes, I dare say trolls would wank over those and contact her, but you can't legislate against stupid people. Of course her feelings mattered. But here's the thing - I'll bet she was pleased, anxious, excited and very proud to obey her Master in this way. She was not being abused in any way - I'm positive it was the last thing on her mind. Submission is simply not offering yourself up to abuse. Any submission that does this is actually abuse. You are transferring your negative experiences onto submissive motivations, and while it's wonderful that you are so self-questioning, I think you need to talk to submissives and try to understand why they do what they do and how glorious it can be for them to have their desires and needs met through submission, pain, humiliation, obedience and all the wonderful things they get to do with their Doms.
And of course your enjoyment of dominating matters equally but I think getting into the real motivations of subs will hugely assist you. Don't ever feel you have to change who you are or lose your sensitivity and respect for people to become a 'good' Dom. Who wants a macho bully boy?

Best of luck,

Pearlgem x x