Having found your mate (or previously being in a BDSM relationship), what ideas and thoughts do you have for newbies (or even more experienced folks!) trying to do the same?
Newbies, what questions do you have?
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Having found your mate (or previously being in a BDSM relationship), what ideas and thoughts do you have for newbies (or even more experienced folks!) trying to do the same?
Newbies, what questions do you have?
Definately Patience! Patience. Don't rush into a relationship or take the first 'dom' that shows interest. Trust begets love, and never trust blindly. Know your worth.
It takes time to find the right Sir for you. I actively searched and dated - and got fakes, and pervs, and jerks.
Sometimes you just want to give up, but once you find the One for you it makes it all worth while. It took me over three good years of looking, and thats Not a lot but Im very very lucky and I love Sir with all my heart. ^^
I completely agree with Daes. But I have to add presence ! presence ! , communication !! communication !! and be yourself !!! be yourself !!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Daes
I had this experience in another forum in my native language. I am there for four years and as being present and active I received many requests for serving. The ones I accepted were only from active members. Why to waste time on trying to learn about a person who doesn't express?
Remember the journey will be hard at times. The way is steep and fraght with dificulties.
I have been through more than my fair share of relationships before finding my true destinty at my owners side.
For my sisters of the collar in regards to real life situations:
Be safe first have fun second. Never meet new dominants and submit to them without reservation. It takes time for them to earn your trust with actions not just words. Allways have a third party that can watch out (call the cops if nessesary etc)for you especially when in the begining of a relationship with a prospective new dominant (being abducted and or raped and tortured or worse is no laughing matter believe me) i didnt know i was in serious trouble until two whole weeks in and if not for my loving Master i wouldnt be here today to type this.
Once safety and trust is established over a sutable period you may relax such constraints and truely begin to grow into your submission. Patience and communication is key. Withhold no information from him once in real life at this point, the more he knows of your thoughts and desires the better he will become at holding dominion over you and the more fuffilled you both will be.
Once the technical features of testing your and his limitations and desires have been measured (which may take some years) and careful consideration has been made on both parts, and you begin to sing in harmony, litterally knowing each others thoughts, then you can really embrace your utter submission and become more free than ever you were before. It is then when on your knees in tears of joy, you will confront the naked truth and utter bliss of complete domination and love. It is then that you will thrive together.
Do not race to the end of the path, walk...walk slowly and savor every moment.
I really appreciate this thread. Thank you. I wish I could have read this a month or two ago. It is quite helpful to me now. Thank you denuseri for sharing your experience. It has touched my heart in more ways than can be known. :)
i would like to politely offer my own experience and opinion on this question. i am a very spiritual person, and have engaged in tattooing for a number of years as a transcendent experience, the pain helping me reach a place of higher awareness. i feel that the experience of pain introduced to sex, as in BDSM play offers a similar effect. After a great deal of study while still in my vanilla life, i recognized recently that the time had come for me to ask the Universe for my soul mate, who i also knew in my heart would be my TOP, as i was indeed ready. i submitted and opened to all possibilities, letting my personal Gods know that i offered myself in gratitude and humility to them and my twin flame, completely.Quote:
Originally Posted by delia
The wait was a relatively short one as DaddyJim was presented to me through an online (vanilla / non-lifestyle oriented) site we both frequented. All it took was for me to view His profile one time- being attracted to His photos and what He had to say about Himself; leaving no comment of my own, only my photo and name remained as a viewer of His information. He returned the favor, leaving me an intriguing message, inviting me to contact Him again. i was being very discriminant about with whom i spoke, choosing to contact only one or two from dozens who possessed qualities i highly valued for continued communication. Neither of us knew of our shared interest in the lifestyle until we had talked at length and i made casual mention of having a collar i enjoyed wearing... He was left instantly speechless. We journeyed further into that conversation plus many others and, over time, began to see that we had found in one another what we had each sought for years... "The One".
my long-winded point is this; If you are sincere in your desires, and trust the Universe / God implicitly, ask for what you seek, remain open and ready yourself to receive your gifts. Be still, find your peace and know that what you have asked will be given as assuredly as the sun rises each morning. To go, indiscriminately, from partner to partner seeking in a frantic state, radiates neediness and insecurity- not only to your partner(s), but to your Higher Power, as well. In spiritual pursuits, just as in D/s relationships, trust in your God / DOM is essential.
patience, rome wasnt built in a day, and you got a lot of building to do. It took me a long time to find the one i am with now and we happened purely on accident. It seemed that when i stopped looking, he fell right into my lap. For me it was/still is a hard road, finding who you are, and where you fit in, plus trying to find someone to share it with, is hard. Its also hard to not get down on yourself when nothing comes your way. Finding the one in a vanilla world is hard, so finding the one in the bdsm world is ten times harder. Communication, trust, openness, honesty, patience, and being yourself are all major players when you are trying to find that one.
one main thing i want to say is, dont give up. The road may be hard, and long, also lonely but dont give up. Someone else is walking that same path, to get to you. The other failed relationships you have are just side roads, not fully derailing your jounrney just making you more aware and expierenced. No one else may believe in fate and destiny but i certainly do. Fate is a road, destiny is the compass, and love is the map.
Don't be in a rush, take it slow, it can take years to find the one, and be careful! There's a lot of fakers out there ready to hurt you, mentally and physically, especially if you're a sub.
I'm a real believer in having a vanilla relationship as well, if you're looking for something long term anyway you want to know you have something in common, as well as being compatible on the bdsm side. A partner should be your best friend as well as your Master/slave.
Thankyou all for your advice. It is very heart warming to know the members here are willing to listen and take the time to help. S G
yeah. stealing other people's property is real hard. accidental stealing. that'll hold up well in court.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shayna
I have been interested in BDSM now for a year and met a sub recently that didn't workout. I've also been to my first play party, tho only to socialise (I have found I am far too new to participate in a lot of activities safely just yet).
Yahoo groups is another place to look as some communities have online groups. Most places that advertise that there free mean there only free to join and there's no way to contact people without paying a monthly fee.
It takes time to build up trust in someone that's interested in you to a point that they want to meet you. Making sure your submissive will be doing so in a safe place as well and informing her of precautions (regardless of her experience)
Workshops on subjects you are interested in can also be helpful as well as BDSM clubs in your area (or as close as you can).
My One is out there some where. In the meantime I fill my spare time with learning and making toys that can be used for our fun.
Had very clever words to right here but was advised the it wasnt worth it.
in other words.. forcefully deleted.
To say that I'm amused by this would be a farce,
It saddens me to know that a person must attack another on a thread that was created to find love, not end it.
However, it seems the blade of ignorence knows no bounds.
Disgusting. For those that daable in what they should not, and can not understand, I suggest you hold back and think before you unleash your wardogs. Least you shatter what you struggle so foolishly to protect.
As for those who posted here with pure hearts I can only bow my head in respect. For finding your one is the hardest thing of all. Thank you all, I shall remember your wise words and hold them close to my heart. I'm sure that they will help me to find my path in this troubled world.
~Seri (Friday)
I am new to this site and to this wonderful lifestlyle that has taken me so many years to honestly accept. I would like to thank the ones who honestly shared their experiences, difficulties, warnings and triumphs. I am a patient woman who will patiently wait for the one who has the patience to guide me....
Honestly, put Y/yourself out there and dont fake anything about your personality....
Be honest
Okay so no one likes to be patient.... well almost no one.
i am especially bad at being patient, but when i found my Lord
i wasn't currently looking online i was just chilling in the CHAT
and He messaged me... when this happened i was just being me
i didnt care if people liked it or not i was me and only me and now
i am His and thuroughly in love
Patience, Patience, and more Patience. Being honest with yourself and what you are looking for, it doesnt matter if your looking for just online, thats fine. If your looking for real life, thats great. Just be honest with yourself, because if you arent up front with yourself about what you want and need from this whole experience. Then you wont come out of it with much of anything, besides...maybe some heartbreak.
Theres time for everyone, nothing last forever. So if you get bumped off, get right back up..and try again. starting slower then the last time, just try to make the best out of the time we have here. Have fun and be safe!
I am saddened that a thread on how to find your one..has gone astray. But i do appreciate the few who stand by their post with Dignity and Class. I am very lucky to have found my one, and i salute those who have. And those who have not yet found them, dont worry they are on there way.
This is a great thread for a new sub, such as myself. All of the points of saftey, communication, trust,etc... Is the thing that needed to be stressed...
THANKS A BUNCH to all!!
I, personally, am not just looking for great sex, but that and everything surrounding it. As a new sub or as a 40 yo woman, there are certain standards that I have set for the people that I need or want in my life. It is allways important to not settle for anything less than what makes you feel warm inside...
again.....thanks to all who posted
unmastered