What are some things to look for, to avoid, and to ignore in your search for a quality Dominant or submissive?
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What are some things to look for, to avoid, and to ignore in your search for a quality Dominant or submissive?
What I searched for and found was a submissive woman who , knew herself her wants desires , When I found her wants desires were mine I went after her , and made her mine.
that does not mean it was easy finding her, there were many whom I searched through some lost, some fake playing the part, not having a clue about submission , fire told me to go to hell the first time we met , I found that intriquing as I really wasn't playing but she had just left a bad relationship. building trust is slow many take it as a weakness in a Dom , those I passed over, I wasn't looking for a play mate I was looking for a soul mate someone to share the journey with.
Things to look for;
The same things that you would look for in a quality person/partner. The only person that can know for sure what those things are, is you.
Things to avoid;
Anything that is the opposite of something on the previous list.
Things to ignore;
1: That which isn't on the previous two lists.
2: Other people's lists.
Everyone looks for shortcuts, guidelines, and rules. The problem is that each person isn't looking for the same thing, therefore there can't be a single list which will fit everyone. One of the things that rate high on my list is extroversion, but that's because I'm a major introvert. Someone else who was an extrovert may not care if the person was extroverted or not, or may even prefer an introvert. My list isn't likely to be the same as yours, nor is it necessarily better or worse than yours. Ask yourself what you want in a person and draw your list from that. It'll suit you a lot better than some random person's list on some board.
Im shy, but here's my list
What I expect
-Be able to communicate as an independent, autonomous, mature adult being.
-Speak in complete sentences. Don't use dangling modifiers. Don't forget to define your pronouns.
-If you want people to know what you mean, then don't use inference as a method of communication.
-Be able to differentiate fear from limits. If you want me to respect your limits, then don't just tell me you are afraid.
-Don't tell me you want to submit and then do something else.
Those are a few negative statements, because the positives are pretty broad.
What I am looking for personally/intimately/professionally would be different then anyone else on this forum, as someone stated above so I am going to list some of the things I am looking for in a Dom and possibly a subbie male (I am not switch, just a subbie who likes to top). Dont believe in Switches but thats for another post and I wont go into detail on that anyway....
Traits I am looking for in a partner:
1. Honesty
2. Commuication
3. Ability to be true to themselves
4. Some who's able to take care of himself, because if he cant take care of himself then he cant take care of me.
5. Possibly another DaddyDom, and I like sissybois. NOt together as i stated I want my Dom a Dominant through and through, my sissy i want him to be a sissy in his bdsm life, but beable to treat me like the princess I am...actually i want both to treat me like a princess!
6. Someone out going, someone willing to go out with me to bdsm events.
7. Something longterm and i would want him to be honest about what he wants.
8. I also want someone educated, I need to be able to speak with him about worldy events, I am not the smartest book on the shelf but I want to be able to talk with him.
Traits I would run away from:
1. Someone who can only come online a few times out of the week, but doesnt give you a reason behind it.
2. Someone whos not totally honest with you. Sometimes we can feel when something isnt right.
3. Someoen who thinks because his nick is "mrdomman" that he gets to dominant me, or i get to suck his cock. nay!
4. Someone whos not looking to learn something new. He has to be willing to try new things, be willing to let me try things, go out and find my own life outside of him while being with him.
5. Someone who talks in that text speak. LOL
6. A person whos not in my class of men. That may sound alittle concided to some but we have to realize our self worth, or we'll take any piece of meat that comes our way!
7. Someone whos not willing to communicate with me and that would go for both. If i had a Dom or if i get me a subbie.
8. Someone who says one thing but does something else...(like Guera stated) That gets tiresome I want someone who wants what he wants and knows what he wants.
Thats my list, there are a few things there that others might be able to use or be able to tailor it for themselves but its pretty general.
I would try to stay clear of someoen who doesnt realize how good he has it by being with someone whos will to submit or willing to top! (ok thats abit concided LOL)
THis is a really great post.. but I am trying to better define my list so I shall wait for another time.. but GReat post Mocotoko:idea:
Okay, I debated about whether to respond to this thread and this quote specifically but after reading through it a few times, I feel compelled.Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnytedreams
I really am hoping against hope that this partial quote I've highlighted is not a true deterrent. Although I'm sure there are folks out there who want nothing to do with someone just beginning to navigate these deep waters, I would argue that finding someone who has "not a clue about submission" but recognizes themselves as a submissive is a terrific find. Being the guiding hand (with a firm hand ;) ) could be a very rewarding experience, I think.
Again, is it for every dominant? No and there is no judgement about that. But to cast aside someone simply because they're not sure of every corrrect step to take and move to make seems like a waste of a perfectly fine, albeit "green" sub.
What am I looking for in a Dom:
Trust / honesty....sense of humor....ability to communicate....strength....confidence....Persistan ce
Since I tend to push my limits I need my Dom to be exactly that....dominant. He needs to be consistant and not let me get away with too much. I like to play, and he needs to understand that. I may be cheeky or be bratty, but he has to know when enough is enough. It's a fine line to know when I'm playing bratty and being bratty because I need / want disipline.
What I don't want in a Dom:
Excessive strictness.... Humiliation....weakness....inability to read between the lines. Lack of confidence.