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Has a situation ever occured where there was a particular top that you wished to play with but the said top was inexperienced?
I want to take what we have to the next level but with me as his submissive.
Would it mean that I'd be topping from the bottom?
and how would be the best way to go about it?
or maybe should I just find someone online?
help would be muchly appriciated
Have you thought about a mentor?
A more experienced Top/Dom that yours can learn from, and maybe a mentor for you as well, a submissive, someone you can go to to pose your questions to about being a submissive.
just a suggestion
Unless you are 24/7 (which implies a power exchange which implies one of you is always dominant and the other always submissive...) then there are lots of opportunities for having such conversations.
And evenif you are 24/7, there are methods and modes for such conversations.
The most important differentiation between discussing needs and desires v. topping from the bottom, is whether or not you are actively within a scene.
Before? After? Those are the right times.
My girl and I are always talking. If not, how would I know the things she craves. Some of them have not come to fruition because (as the dom) I wasn't interested at that time. She must "live" with that. But she knows, because I've told her so, (anticipation is a great tool,) that next summer, she will be eating at my feet, because I've grown enamored with the idea of seeing her do so.
Seeds are planted. They take time to germinate, grow, and bloom.
Fortunately, she sowed a lot of seeds last summer.
Oh... (I got carried away thinking about the upcoming summer...)
My point. Communications are good. No need to look online, per se, unless you find him unevolving.
I don't see providing information to a dominant as wrong if its done in an appropriate manner under and under the correct circumstances (as Oz mentioned above.)
My Owner is very fond in fact of saying that his best teachers in the arts of holding wise dominion have allways been the very slaves who laid at his feet.
To me complaigning that ones submissive or slave is "topping from the bottom" or "bratty" or too much to handle or any other such contrivance is just a winney way of showing ones own insecurity and proving that one isnt as dominant as they first thought.
Be very careful if you go looking for a mentor in real life. Involving others in your relationship isnt somthing to be entered into litely by any means.
If your allready pretty knowledgable in bdsm I advise you get him a membership here (as an info scource only deffinetly not to find some online personality to teach him) and or go get some books you have liked on bdsm and have lots of open honest comunication!
Besides you can never really know someone from online alone anyway. Real trust takes time to develope and requires real deeds to base it upon.
If your not so knowledgable, well then, I recomend you both travel "together" on your journey and learn "together" what works for both of you and use a lot of common sence and keep things SAFE, SANE and mutually CONSENSUAL first and KINKY second.
We do talk, every day. Not always about D/s or kink things, but it does come up over the course of everyday conversation. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with saying "I like this" or "I'd like to try that, what do you think?"Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozme52