All the Single Ladies

Have you ever seen the Beyonce video? Its quite good. What does a beyonce song have to do with D/s, M/s ?

one line of the song stuck in my head " If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it"

I have known of Doms and Masters who are active with several subs/slaves at the same time while really having a real interest in only one. I know of one guy in the NY area who lost his slave becuase she was basically fed up of waiting for his collar when she had indicated by her actions and not her words alone that she greatly desired it. Good woman, dedicated and loving and absolutely subserviant to her master but still she left after waiting and waiting, in her mind in vain.

So my question. Is a slave justified in leaving a Master if he dosent offer her a collar after a sufficient amount of time has passed and she has done all in her power to prove she is worthy of it? Do you know of anyone who lost his sub/slave to another master and now is having a "beyonce" moment

If you like it then you shoulda put a collar on it

I am being a bit flippant i know but that song has me thinking

First of all, even though I don't want to hear that song ever again in the near future, I think it's brilliant and almost flawless in terms of the craft of pop music. And I only recently saw the video and it was also flawless -- no smoke and mirrors, just Beyonce fucking GIVING. Gah.

But anyway in regards to the question... Of course. I hate the idea that we should promote heterosexual monogamous relationships that HAVE to end in marriage by having that song be a huge hit... Can't stand that we teach our little girls that they have to get married and find a husband or else be a *gasp* Old Maid! But if you replace "put a ring on it" with "make me feel validated as a person and in our relationship" then of course, that happens to anyone who is not being fulfilled in their relationship or cannot get the kind of level of seriousness or commitment out of their partner, in vanilla and BDSM relationships. If the person(s) that you are with are not looking for the same thing as you are, or cannot give you what you want, of course you are justified in packing up and trying to find your bliss elsewhere.

Also, seriously, I love this song. I often explain to people my situation ("engaged as in, will certainly marry him in the future, but not engaged as in planning a wedding") by saying "He liked it, so he put a ring on it," lol. As much as I don't think that all meaningful human relationships should be measured by the standard of marriage, I do sort of support people who are like, "Hmm, this is a good thing, I gotta lock it down!" which is how I sort of view the ring currently on my finger (which may as well be a collar, except I don't get disapproving looks for never changing my "necklace" lol) :)

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Originally Posted by Qza

Have you ever seen the Beyonce video? Its quite good. What does a beyonce song have to do with D/s, M/s ?

lol Not much other than I would love to see her get whipped. But on second thought...what doesnt have to do with D/s?

one line of the song stuck in my head " If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it"

I have known of Doms and Masters who are active with several subs/slaves at the same time while really having a real interest in only one. I know of one guy in the NY area who lost his slave becuase she was basically fed up of waiting for his collar when she had indicated by her actions and not her words alone that she greatly desired it. Good woman, dedicated and loving and absolutely subserviant to her master but still she left after waiting and waiting, in her mind in vain.

Sounds like she and her partner at the time were into bdsm for different reasons; which is unfortunate but does happen.

So my question. Is a slave justified in leaving a Master if he dosent offer her a collar after a sufficient amount of time has passed and she has done all in her power to prove she is worthy of it?

Well first off I don't believe one is really a slave until one has been collared (or a Master/Mistress until one has collared another) and surrended not only to one's Owner but more importantly to one's self; until then one is a submissive. But thats just a matter of terminology for some and can vary between traditions or individual practices.

As for justifications for leaving a relationship that has no clear cut honorific symbol of commitment or a formal covenant between the respected parties...well those are many and varied and completely a matter of personal preference.

Do you know of anyone who lost his sub/slave to another master and now is having a "beyonce" moment

If you like it then you shoulda put a collar on it

Personally I don't believe anyone should be "collared" lightly, it is only something one should enter into with the upmost of dedication and trust.

I am being a bit flippant i know but that song has me thinking

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I know lots of people that have relationship issues yes and some do even stem from a lack of commitment or a need for formalization not being met by one partner or the other; most of the time due to a break down in comunication and or misconceptions and preconceived notions.

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Originally Posted by Qza

So my question. Is a slave justified in leaving a Master if he dosent offer her a collar after a sufficient amount of time has passed and she has done all in her power to prove she is worthy of it? Do you know of anyone who lost his sub/slave to another master and now is having a "beyonce" moment

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I don't know of anyone who has done this but I believe that in such a scenario, yes, a sub/slave would be justified in leaving.

The best way to look at these sorts of situations is to stop thinking in a 'D/s' sense all the time. If people have been 'dating' for a certain amount of time, but not exclusively, and one of them wants to be exclusive and is 'ready to commit' to a relationship but the other is not or really not looking for that sort of thing at the moment, then the former is well within their rights to go find someone who is.

You have to be on the same page when it comes to these things, nobody should be made to wait forever for something that won't happen. Also because there are people out there who will continually say "I'm still thinking about it" but really they aren't and just wanna keep you around without 'committing'.

On the flip side, what if you were in the reverse position? How would you feel if you just wanted play partners but one of them really wants to be more or exclusive... wouldn't you want that person to go find someone who could satisfy them in that sense than stick around and be disappointed by you?

I really agree with flying66 on this. If I were in that situation there's a clear miscommunication, and I'd want my sub to break role play and talk about it. Relationship first, kink second; and if you aren't on the same page about what you want, there should be a resolution.

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Originally Posted by Qza

So my question. Is a slave justified in leaving a Master if he dosent offer her a collar after a sufficient amount of time has passed and she has done all in her power to prove she is worthy of it? Do you know of anyone who lost his sub/slave to another master and now is having a "beyonce" moment

If you like it then you shoulda put a collar on it

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IMO, it works both ways. If the sub is expecting a deeper commitment and the dom(me) isn't up for it then she/he should leave. As it would work the other way around, if the sub's intention isn't to get collared.
I agree with pervertedpages, I really don't like the promotion of completion as a person by "getting the ring" or the collar. Although, symbols are important as a representation, not the actual goal.

Collaring is a very serious business and a commitment not to be entered half heartedly. Not so much a question of time but a question of trust (having a depeche mode moment here).

So, to sum up. If the expectations of one of the parties aren't met, he/she should leave.