Semi-Reluctant Dom needs hints

This might run long-

We're married 20 years, and sex life was getting a bit stale. It had been 20 years of me trying new stuff out, but not getting any real idea whether one thing was any better than the next. We'd tried bondage, and some nipple clamps and stuff, but she's non-communicative (even when asked) whether she liked whatever happened. It's kind of stressful for me, because I appreciate some variety, but she's kind of passive about what happens. Interestingly, she's pretty much up for anything, but nothing involving other people or pain.

After years of goofing with this, it seems that what she wants is to be pushed around sexually but she doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to be responsible for coming up with any new ideas. So after 20 years, I figured out she's a sexual submissive. (not a 24/7 submissive. Pretty much sex only, I think)

So:

- I have taken control of how she dresses, and have her wearing skirts w/no panties, heels etc.
- I am demanding sex at all hours of the day, usually without regard to her pleasure.
- It's pretty clear that she likes all this, even though she won't tell me. I made her masturbate with a vibrator (she dislikes vibrators) until she came, and when she did, she had her first squirting orgasm. She seems to be enjoying her new trashy underwear too.

I'm naturally inclined to be nice to her, and find it difficult to invent sex-related activities within the bounds that seem to be there. So I throw it back to the group- got any ideas on how to push her around and humiliate her sexually without involving other people?

I think I'm going to try forced exhibitionism next. It sort of involves other people, but no physical contact.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UncleFester

Snip... So after 20 years, I figured out she's a sexual submissive. (not a 24/7 submissive. Pretty much sex only, I think)

So:

- I have taken control of how she dresses, and have her wearing skirts w/no panties, heels etc.
- I am demanding sex at all hours of the day, usually without regard to her pleasure.
- It's pretty clear that she likes all this, even though she won't tell me. I made her masturbate with a vibrator (she dislikes vibrators) until she came, and when she did, she had her first squirting orgasm. She seems to be enjoying her new trashy underwear too.

I'm naturally inclined to be nice to her, and find it difficult to invent sex-related activities within the bounds that seem to be there. So I throw it back to the group- got any ideas on how to push her around and humiliate her sexually without involving other people?

I think I'm going to try forced exhibitionism next. I sort of involves other people, but no physical contact.

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Fester needing ideas to enhance sexual submission is such thorny problem :D

From your post you note you have taken control of her manor of dress. Have you thought of incorporating corsets? A great resource is Lisa. They have first hand accounts, pictures, historical and modern stories and resources. Adding the beauty, bondage and control can be very exciting and an ongoing everyday source of Ds. And it can add the aspect of humiliation and exhibitionism in that, worn in public, the image of an obviously corseted women is very much a turn on for both men and women.

Also you mentioned you have added the dimension of Domination to your sexual affairs. Have you thought of taking complete control through the use of a chastity belt? Altairboy has a great site with all the things you need to learn about the world of enforced chastity. The act of turning ones sexuality over to another is very personal and powerful. This can also be combined with the corset to create the ultimate in look but don't touch images.

Also since she seems to like bondage and you are controlling her wardrobe you can combine the two. Under long skirts and high necks you can hide all sorts of hobbles, hobble slips and skirts, corsets, neck corsets, collars and what not. Not to mention things that keep vibrators, plugs, dildos and the like safe and sound in her.

Lest we not forget the great resource of the BDSMlibrary, thousands of stories that can inspire the mind to wonderful possibilities. Keep in mind though that these are after fantasies. As such you need to filter all the ideas through the filters of reality and SSC.

And as always there are the great minds here. I cant wait to see what they come up with. ;)

Uncle Fester,

i am so glad for your wife that she has you to satisfiy her need to be sexually submissive. i am just like her!
i enjoy being forced & raped by my Master. of course never beaten, but for example to be awaken with him on top of me pulling on my hair and covering my mouth with his hand telling me he wants to f**k me is the ultimate.
i also enjoy being his little trained puppy or kitten.
i hope these ideas help some!
kiss
good luck :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UncleFester

This might run long-

We're married 20 years, and sex life was getting a bit stale. It had been 20 years of me trying new stuff out, but not getting any real idea whether one thing was any better than the next. We'd tried bondage, and some nipple clamps and stuff, but she's non-communicative (even when asked) whether she liked whatever happened. It's kind of stressful for me, because I appreciate some variety, but she's kind of passive about what happens. Interestingly, she's pretty much up for anything, but nothing involving other people or pain.

After years of goofing with this, it seems that what she wants is to be pushed around sexually but she doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to be responsible for coming up with any new ideas. So after 20 years, I figured out she's a sexual submissive. (not a 24/7 submissive. Pretty much sex only, I think)

So:

- I have taken control of how she dresses, and have her wearing skirts w/no panties, heels etc.
- I am demanding sex at all hours of the day, usually without regard to her pleasure.
- It's pretty clear that she likes all this, even though she won't tell me. I made her masturbate with a vibrator (she dislikes vibrators) until she came, and when she did, she had her first squirting orgasm. She seems to be enjoying her new trashy underwear too.

I'm naturally inclined to be nice to her, and find it difficult to invent sex-related activities within the bounds that seem to be there. So I throw it back to the group- got any ideas on how to push her around and humiliate her sexually without involving other people?

I think I'm going to try forced exhibitionism next. It sort of involves other people, but no physical contact.

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UncleFester,

Some time ago I experienced pretty much the same. No feedback, she was too shy to talk about things she enjoyed or not. I made her to write her thoughts down, just for me. And I made her to read a lot of bdsm stories, then she only showed me, what were her favourites.

This way I found out a lot of new and interesting things about her. Why don't you try :)

coming to terms with these desires she may be having can be a frustrating thing for her. A few people mentioned the stories here, I would agree with this completely. I actually have my girl read a story a day, and give me a brief commentary on the story. I take note of things she likes and does, I also learn a few new tricks myself.

Adding to the clothing thing you've done, go to the local thift store and buy some extra clothing as "house" clothes. This way you have plenty of cheap garments you can cut/ripp/tear at without concern.

The journal idea is another thing I require as well and has always worked well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UncleFester

After years of goofing with this, it seems that what she wants is to be pushed around sexually but she doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to be responsible for coming up with any new ideas.

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The more you can find out, the better for both of you. The suggestions so far of a journal and comments on stories are good, but you might also try setting up interrogation scenes. Question her about her feelings, fantasies and past experience while she's in submissive mode, with punishment for hesitation or evasion. That way she may be able to admit to things she can't normally say. Even if you don't learn anything new, you'll probably have fun :)

I appreciate the help. It's strange that she won't talk about it. At least the experimenting will be fun!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UncleFester

It's strange that she won't talk about it.

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I don't think it's strange at all, I have trouble talking about it too. If you don't have any luck with the interrogation method, maybe try something non-confrontational, like writing down something for her to do to give you an insight to what she likes (be it a story, or a fantasy of hers etc) and give her a set time to return it to you. Then you know what she likes/dislikes, and you can incorporate some of that as you see fitting, and when it happens she'll realise that it's okay to share things with you.

I hope that made sense, I kind of just rambled it off :haha:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UncleFester

I appreciate the help. It's strange that she won't talk about it.

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I think you put your finger on it right at the start when you said "she wants to be pushed around but she doesn't want to be responsible". One of the strongest reasons for people turning sub is to escape the weight of responsibility and have someone else make the decisions in bed - and if the decision is to hurt and humiliate them, that just makes it all the more enjoyably clear that they're not in control. This is why so many subs are strong-minded or even total control freaks in vanilla life.

And one of the tricky bits of this is that it pretty much rules out her asking for what she wants: if she has to tell you what to do, she's still charge, no matter how many times she calls you "Master". (My very first sub girlfriend came to me because she was fed up with telling her steady boyfriend how to dominate her.) So you have to find ways that she can either say what she wants without it sounding like a request, or be "forced" to say it.

I'm afraid this doublethink is all part of the wonderful world of D/s! But it's worth it when you get it right.

the others all have wonderful ideas.. another that i've always found useful, when i am feeling to shy to ask or reveal, other htan the journal, is the interrogation... as someone mentioned.. or a more pleasurable version (since you said no pain) where you drive her mad with stimulation until she responds with ideas.. or deprive her entirely of it until she is so steamed up and desperate, she'll do anything.

Teni