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I'm a new Dom with an even newer sub, like she's brand new. I'm looking for help in how to break her in so to speak without destroying her. I want to be gentel enough to be sure she's not taking too much in too fast but still hard enough to let her know I am in complete control.
Has anyone els been here, and if so how did u handel the situation?
Thx.
You may wish to provide a good bit more detail as to the specifics here...for instance...is this an online arrangment..or in real life...do you live together...are you only getting togethr once a month or every couple days..etc?
Have the two of you sat down together and went over what her and your expectations are for the relationship?
Have you discussed hard limits?
Adding to that, a checklist may be a good idea. Both of you should fill one out and go over your results together.Quote:
Originally Posted by denuseri
Adding to what Lady Arana said, SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a book I found very informative and helpful, and it includes, as I recall, pre- and post- scene checklists/questionaires, which can open up a lot of conversations. As said over and over on this site, communication is key. My lover is a switch-top, bottom, and vanilla. So far, I have found us to be fabulous vanilla, and that he is very good at topping me, but I stink at topping him-because his ideas/fantasies/needs as a bottom are so different from mine that I pulled him out of sub-space by doing something I would have wanted, but that didn't work for him.
So, while asking other Dom/mes for advice is never bad, ask HER what her fantasies are, what her hard and soft limits are, what she is afraid of, what she is afraid of but wants to try anyway, and what she thinks submission (and domination) is about. Try to have these conversations outside of the bedroom, dressed, as equals--two people who want to enjoy an alternative sexuality for their mutual pleasure. That will give you a lot of ideas about how to "break her" gently yet firmly, or tell you that the two of you have such different ideas about it that you will not be compatible (which I hope is not the case for you; I am a fan of romance in all varieties, and always want to hear that people have/can find a match, but is something you should be aware of as a possibility.)
I'm not a Domme, although I am trying to learn to be one for my switch lover, but I hope my comments help both of you. Good luck, and remember, safe, sane, and consensual is the way to go.
If you're both new I'd recommend "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, they both presuppose little or no experience or knowledge of the scene and are well illustrated. After you've gone through those I'd recommend "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" by Philip Miller and Molly Devon as a very thorough overview of the various aspects of the scene. All are readily available through Amazon. Something never to forget is that a D/s relationship is still, first of all, a relationship and that the normal rules will still apply, it's essential that all parties needs be met and that open and honest lines of two way communication always be maintained.