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It was a dream
as he pulled back my head,
firm grip on hair
to give me his look
so I could feel,
sense, breathe…
tremble with desire
from his stare
god what a dream
when he touched
for the first time,
a caress of air
as energies meshed,
intensified, heightened,
danced, swirled,
scented husk intoxicated
and he spoke hushed
yet strong, firm, sure
“listen and learn”
it was a dream
when i knelt
and tears cast open
my heart with joy
that i moaned and woke
windows furled open
shattering darkness
Really good imagery and flow, Echoes!
It's interesting that the last stanza has a much different feel (longer lines, different word choice, less linear). I'm still trying to decide if I like it or not :P but it made the ending have a strong impact.
Thank you ElectricBadger, I am not sure if I like it either...in this poem.
Sometimes I find I have two poems in one or the start of another and I wonder if this could be the case.
It's as if my mind wants to go but I shut it down quickly :confused:
I think taking out the last stanza and leaving first poem as is would be complete for one dream :)
...and explore this second possibility to see where it leads.
I agree with EB...this seems like two different poems in one. The feel changes in the last stanza.
Thought for you...what about developing the first part more and starting another poem with the last stanza. Dig a little deeper as you do this...what else can you feel...see....hear?
Talia
Thank you Talia, I am working on this now.