Learning to let go

[Intrigued26]

I'm newer to this community, and I'm fairly sure I'm submissive.The one major problem I've been having is to be able let go and have that one person take control. I've had an abusive past, and now that I'm in complete control of my life I'm reluctant to let go.Trust is very hard for me, and in these of situations that kind of complete trust has been impossible for me.

So I wanted to ask your advice on how you've learned to deal/ how you've been able to put that kind of trust in someone. Just general tips on how to make it easier?

Thanks!

[scarlet_85]

My main advice is communication. I struggled with even the thought of giving up control at first. My Master and I talked for a solid 6 months before play even happened. We discussed fears, turn ons, goals... Anything and everything. We were able to establish a relationship and trust first. And then when we played, I knew exactly how everything was going to go. And during play, he reassured me constantly that he would keep me safe and made sure I was ok. Talk to the person you plan on submitting to A LOT!! You can't talk too much about it! And don't hold back on anything. Be honest... And you will know when the time is right.

[Intrigued26]

Thank you; I really appreciate the advice. Right now I'm still looking for someone, and I know this will be a struggle, but I really think this'll help. ^.^

[Dog's Lady]

I have to agree with Scarlett, here. Dog and I knew each other for 15 years before we even kissed, so there was a huge amount of trust in place. I think that is a large part of why I can let go with him in a way I never have before. Not that you have to wait that long, by any means, but we were friends first, then lovers, then we got into kinkier sex. It was a building process.
Also, keep those lines of communication open once the sex/kink starts. Talk when you are dressed, not in the bedroom . . . ok, not in a sexual mode, since we tend to do it all over the house. And, for me at least, having his friendship when we are not playing is huge. I don't/can't do total power exchange--too much of a control freak, I guess, although I would really like to spend, say, a weekend totally at his command. But we are friends, first, and that's what makes it work for me.
Good luck in your search. I can't imagine how hard it must be to look for a kink partner, since I got lucky enough to fall into this-hard.