What does BDSM/D/s/S/M?

[sexyslave69]

I am asking this question because I am confused about it.I heard it can mean anything the people involved wants it to mean.Is there a certain way you have to be/act/dress to be any of them? I am still new at all this and so is my husband.I am submissive (well I guess that's what I am).It seems over-whelming to me to try to figure it all out I read the definitions for BDSM D/s S&M, TPE, slave,service-oriented person,and a few others but still am not sure where I "fit in".Anyone with any info would be appreciated.Thanks

[lucy]

I am asking this question because I am confused about it.

I am, too, and have given up to get it straightened out. They are just definitions and there are probably as many definitions as there are kinksters.

I heard it can mean anything the people involved wants it to mean.Is there a certain way you have to be/act/dress to be any of them?

I'd say that if you have to act, you probably are on the wrong path. Apart from that: Nope, there's only one right way and that is your way. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not a true slave/sub/Dom/whatever if you don't do this or don't like that.

I am still new at all this and so is my husband.I am submissive (well I guess that's what I am).It seems over-whelming to me to try to figure it all out I read the definitions for BDSM D/s S&M, TPE, slave,service-oriented person,and a few others but still am not sure where I "fit in".Anyone with any info would be appreciated.Thanks

You don't have to figure it all out. Well, maybe you do, but you certainly don't need to hurry. Take it easy, take it slow and most important: Be safe and have fun!

[delish]

BDSM means Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. There is no One True Way (trademark) to do anything. We pick up what feels comfortable, and leave what doesn't.

For example, S/M is all about giving and receiving pain, but D/s doesn't even have to involve any sort of pain. The clothes you wear don't matter- you're not required to have a collar or leather clothes- and you certainly don't have to act like anyone except for who you really are. Submission generally requires a specific mindset of wanting to submit (or to be made to submit, depending on your specific relationship) to a dominant partner. TPE is where the submissive hands the power entirely over to the dominant- it stands for Total Power Exchange. In my way of thinking, that is how the Master/slave dynamic works. Others may disagree, and they're welcome to- it's just how I have it sorted in my head.

Generally speaking, a service-oriented submissive is one who submits in such a way that is dedicated to the service of their dominant partner. This may include domestic duties (think '50's housewife), professional services (working for the partner at his/her business, giving your professional services/advice/etc), or personal services (hygiene/pampering).

The best thing to do is not to worry about those labels at all, and just focus on what turns you on. I would start by looking for a list of kinks/fetishes and define the things you would never do (this is called a hard limit- everyone has them) and things that sound interesting to you. As you learn more about yourself and your needs, it will be easier to convey to others what kind of a label you might carry.

I love labels, personally. I know it's trendy to try and buck labels, but how else would I know what's in all my cans? Is it peaches or is it green beans? But not everyone wants to display who they are like that, and that's cool too. I guess the bottom line is that you don't have to be anything, except it's usually to everyone's benefit (especially your own) if you're honest. I hope this helps!

[Dog's Lady]

Ah, but let's not forget the one rule: Safe, Sane and Consensual--I think it's about the only thing we all agree on. It basically means (and here some might disagree) no permanent damage, no death ('cause then you couldn't play anymore) and respect hard limits. With that in mind, play to your heart's (or any other body part's) content. Welcome to forums, and the lifestyle, sexyslave69!

[Ozme52]

BDSM means Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.

Right
Wrong This is a matter of people assigning words to pre-existing parts of the acronym. The interior letters are coincidental. It was all initially B&D and S&M. SMBD would have progenitored Master and Bottom? LOL

[Ozme52]

Ah, but let's not forget the one rule: Safe, Sane and Consensual--I think it's about the only thing we all agree on. It basically means (and here some might disagree) no permanent damage, no death ('cause then you couldn't play anymore) and respect hard limits. With that in mind, play to your heart's (or any other body part's) content. Welcome to forums, and the lifestyle, sexyslave69!

There is no "one rule" and certainly not SSC. Go read up, here and elsewhere, on the many many discussions on SSC v. RACK. And WIITWD as a backlash to both the former. And speaking of made-up stuff (per my previous comment regarding acronyms,) there is now PRICK. Originally a joke that has been taken up as a legitimate approach to BDSM play, (though how it differs from RACK is all in the semantics imo.)

SSC and RACK and WIITWD were originally all affectations that we use to explain ourselves to the vanilla community, though to no avail, because there's no rationality when it comes to detering the sexually repressed or "morally superior" population.

[Dog's Lady]

Okay-can you at least give me a clue as to what the acronyms stand for? You know I am still a newbie here, and eager to learn, but you just threw too much at me at once.
As for one rule-I was referring to any need to label yourself, or be "a real sub" or "a real dom," other than doing what pleases you and your partner. And, while I will try to do some research on what you just presented, I don't think SSC is a bad idea for a couple who are both new to this.
Not being disrespectful, just saying it's not a bad place for them to start, and more important than worrying about labels at this point.

[Ozme52]

An internet search will give you most of those acronyms as well as explantions. And Wikipedia is always a valuable source.

SSC of course, is Safe Sane Consentual
RACK is Risk Aware Consentual Kink
WIITWD is What It Is That We Do

PRICK was originally just made up so that someone could say, I prefer PRICK. Personal Responsibility Informed Consentual Kink. Pretty convoluted eh?

[Dog's Lady]

Thanks for the starting point, Oz. I only have so much computer time without the small nagging, so shortening things up a little helps me a lot. Which gives me more time for learning, and less on fruitless searching. Always eager to learn more!