Wow, Cariad, that was great. I was so in the moment and just wanted it to go on and on!

In general, your puncuation and grammar were very good, with just some places where you missed a comma or two. However, you showed a good use of commas in other parts of your story, so I am not too concerned about this. Here are a couple of places you could have added commas.

"As she stood correcting her posture and balance she waited." Here a comma could come after stood and then again after balance.

"She did not have to focus her thoughts she could only think of one thing HE was looking at the point which the feather tip was touching." - a comma could go after thoughts and after thing.

"Feeling the edge of the bed with her knees so she that knew she was facing the right way and she took a tiny step backwards and holding the fabric from in front of her thighs, pulled it up and over her head."

I found this sentence to be a bit long. It could quite easily be split into two sentences such as:-

Feeling the edge of the bed with her knees so she that knew she was facing the right way, she took a tiny step backwards. Holding the fabric from in front of her thighs, she pulled it up and over her head.

Cariad, overall you did a fantastic job. Thank you so much.

For your next task I would like you to do two things. One is to let me know how you liked this task and how you felt about not using all of your usual methods to check your work.

I would then like you to read Rabbit's stickies at the top of level two - How can I become a better writer and more general writing tips. Let me know what points helped you, inspired you, overwhelmed you etc.

I will look forward to hearing your views on these readings. I am going to make reading and commenting on them part of the level from now on and would love to know if you think it is a worthwhile task.

Aussiegirl