I`m sorry you have the experience that tears can be used against you, if I got that right. I wish you could cry and be comforted for it, get it overwith and feel better and know you could cry again when its called for. I`m so sorry. I have big heartfelt hugs for you if you need them.
Your poem was tough reading. You master the writing very well, desperadosong. Thank you for posting and sharing.