well we are all still learning exactly what we want and like and are willing to do its all a part of the human experance.We are all constantly learning about ourselfs and eachother.I love my precious little slut and she loves me and yes i can whip her the next minute but it is done out of love and giving her what she wants.I will admit it makes my cock hard doing so.As far as the pain inside i dont think that has anything to do with her wanting pain on the outside she just likes to be spanked and paddled and to have no control over what i am going to do.If either of us has pain inside its me i am bi-polar so i know pain well thats on the inside.My advise to you is to try out what you are interested in and giv it a go you will know if its what you like or not in no time.