Henceforward - Assignment 3 by anonymouse

[anonymouse]

i have been a professional writer for close to a decade and i still get "red-penned" or "blue-penciled". Writing is rewriting. and rewriting and rewriting. Someone once said that stories are never finished, only abandoned. Your imagination soars and that is the main thing. The redpen stuff is just details.

Thank you again, Muse. I have corrected the minor things and followed most of your suggestions for the minor rewrites.

I'm not sure what else to call the 'tinfoil'. It's a particular type of gift wrapping, made of the same thin foil as Xmas tinsel. Perhaps there's a proper name for this? I just can't think of it if there is.

I decided against simplifying this:

The young porter took possession of the room key from the receptionist, quickly picked up Lydia's bag, and then turned toward the elevator. "This way," he said.

The reason is purely esthetic and relates to the overall 'pace' of the story. To simplify that passage would be to hasten the action earlier than I wanted. Your simplification of the closing paragraph was adopted for the same reason as this one was rejected.

I looked long and hard at the suggestion:

"The suite was expansive and luxuriously appointed."

But I see your point. Aside from the more active voice, to describe the room that way makes the descriptor 'expensive' redundant. 'Of course it's expensive!' is implicit.

So, thank you again, Muse

Incidentally, I feel certain that 7pm and 7 pm are both correct (regional editorial variance). I used 7pm (no space) following the same style as 1960s. I'm sure it's an FAQ somewhere in the Chicago Manual of Style, but I couldn't find it when I searched for it. Whatever the case, I changed it as per your correction

anonymouse

PS: "Henceforward, you are forever owned by me" is paraphrased from Romeo and Juliet.