The manual , second asignment by Satan_Klaus

[tessa]

Um, I volunteer to go in to "interrogate" Mr. Dreyben.

I enjoyed your story, Satan Klause. The mysteriousness of Dreyben added to said enjoyment.

Thank goodness for forced labor.

tessa

[Satan_Klaus]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I'm reworking the story as we speak.

H_Dean criticized my use of narrative perspective and I'm unsure what to do. What I tried to use was a form of third person narrator. I think its called 'limited third person' in English. A third person Narrator who actually is the main character or is looking over his shoulders. He sees what the protagonist sees and so forth. And his comments are not objective but rather the thoughts, feelings or sometimes subconscious doubts of the protagonist. I'm not sure if this is acceptable and if it is how to do it better.

Satan_Klaus

PS: Tessa, if you go in there you might find out what forced labor is all about.

[Satan_Klaus]

By the way: Are there more people speaking English as a second language? I suppose we might suffer from the same problems.

So please speak up!

Satan_Klaus

[Mad Lews]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I'm reworking the story as we speak.

H_Dean criticized my use of narrative perspective and I'm unsure what to do. What I tried to use was a form of third person narrator. I think its called 'limited third person' in English. A third person Narrator who actually is the main character or is looking over his shoulders. He sees what the protagonist sees and so forth. And his comments are not objective but rather the thoughts, feelings or sometimes subconscious doubts of the protagonist. I'm not sure if this is acceptable and if it is how to do it better.

Satan_Klaus

PS: Tessa, if you go in there you might find out what forced labor is all about.

SK,
Not to put words in Mr. Dean's mouth but I think his main complaint was about a consistency of perspective. While it's perfectly legal to change perspective in a story it's often very confusing to the reader.

Most of his problems seemed to be with a consistent voice that fits the character. The best way to develop a feel for that is to listen carefully to real people in your everyday life.

You should also be aware that few people follow the rules of grammar when they speak. If you put it inside quotes you can get away with a number of grammatical sins Just be sure they fit the character that's speaking. For instance your pompous (bemused?) Brit would enunciate clearly, chose his words carefully and probably have a dry wit. He’d most likely be enthralled with his own clever plays on words that were meant to go over the head of his interrogator. That kind of smug jibe could be exactly the kind of thing that would cause the policeman to snap.

The police would be more likely to use contractions colloquialisms and slang. You have to be careful not to overdo that but a sprinkling will add some depth and believability to your characters.

I'd have given it an 8 and encouraged you to post more.

Mad Lews

[Satan_Klaus]

Yes the style of speech could be improved. I really wanted to do this, contrast the englishman with the rough detective. However this is very difficult for me to do and I may be in over my head. Writing proper English is hard enough already, the nuances are killing me. I will work on this for the next version of the story.

H-Dean said that the perspective was "third person omniscent" while I tried to do "thrid person limited" (hope this is the right expression). Before dealing with the finer points, I have to be certain of the narrative style.

Satan_Klaus

[Mad Lews]

Yes the style of speech could be improved. I really wanted to do this, contrast the englishman with the rough detective. However this is very difficult for me to do and I may be in over my head. Writing proper English is hard enough already, the nuances are killing me. I will work on this for the next version of the story.

H-Dean said that the perspective was "third person omniscent" while I tried to do "thrid person limited" (hope this is the right expression). Before dealing with the finer points, I have to be certain of the narrative style.

Satan_Klaus

3rd person omniscient is probably the easiest way to tell a story. The narrator is god, knows everyone’s thoughts and feelings, and is free to relate them to the reader.

3rd person limited is a little tougher as you limit the perspective of the narrator and he/she can only surmise thoughts and feelings of others from their words and actions.

But you already knew that.

Mad