G is for Guidance.

[Guest 91108]

G is for Guidance.

As I have walked this path and delved into BDSM more that last few months…
I’ve noticed many things from the Dom and sub side as well as the experience and length of time involved in the subject matter.

We all seem to, at one point or another, need to reach out and confirm thoughts … reassure our selves of the rightness of a thing… get fresh/new ideas or a different take on an old topic for us that has grown stale and boring……

Many seem to think they have all the answers , and yet, they are searching on their own for answers others have already had to search for.

Why is it that we let our egos and other characteristics prevent us from simply asking a person of like mind if they have the answer to their current situation? Is it because we feel we give up some of our “Domly” characteristic or is it because of a lack of seeming Dominant ?

If you’re a sub and don’t seek out the thoughts and opinions of others, do you let yourself be subjected to things you do not wish ? Or to things which will eventually put BDSM perspective in a bad light?

I’m just asking as I have had these thoughts myself of late and figured if i am having them then others have...
So.. I thought if I put them here …
others will respond … And we will all learn and grow.

[Havensov]

Though I wouldn't call it guidance, that is one of the reasons for coming here. For me, knowledge and, well, guidance in the way I have asked and read how others have done what i want to do. No learn from the mistakes and experiences of others.

[Guest 91108]

But, Havensov ... I think that fits here too.
Still involves asking others if you can't find the answers in searching.

ok, gotten two PMs on this thread.

"G for Guidance" is about guidance in all it's forms whether we ask or seek in whatever manner one chooses and why some do not wish to ask questions but make their own decisions and choices and are flawed for doing so as it applies to others when some may lack the knowledge to have made that decision(s).

[Rhabbi]

This is an intersting post, and I am sorry I did not see it earlier.

From my perspective, I always seek guidance, even in the midst of a scene. I always have a safeword I can use so that my sub knows I need to get some input from her. This is a must as far as I am concerned.

[Warbaby1943]

I don't know about others but I don't have any problem admitting I don't know something or asking questions when necessary. I think that is one great aspect of this forum.

[joely]

gee... i like G as i think i'll be seeking much guidance in the near future!

[DrGeordie]

This is an intersting post, and I am sorry I did not see it earlier.

From my perspective, I always seek guidance, even in the midst of a scene. I always have a safeword I can use so that my sub knows I need to get some input from her. This is a must as far as I am concerned.

This is interesting. There are a million and one sources talking about subs having a safeword but I've not come across the idea of a Dom using a safeword before. Rhabbi would you mind expanding on this a little. How you apply it? When you feel you need to use it? What you are looking for when you do use it? Obviously the answers to this are going to be different for everyone but I'd still be interested to hear more

[moptop]

This is really interesting. Although the concept pf a dom having a safeword may be unusual - good idea! - I don't think the need and seeking of input from a sub during a scene is that rare: stopping to check how they are. Asking them how they are allows them to give the feedback a dom can need for guidance at that time; asking them what they want, also. Just having those little moments to step back and check what's going on, whether it is going the right way... comes back to communication again.

I'm really interested, as a sub, in how dom's view themselves when they describe themselves as 'guides'. I have a specific reason for the interest, of course! But I have been interested ever since I joined the site and first interacted with Tojo. What, from a dom's viewpoint, is a guide, what do you mean by being a guide to a sub? if you're not a guide, what are you instead?

Any thoughts on that aspect of guidance gratefully received.

As far as seeking guidance goes, I think that anyone who is sincerely interested in bdsm relationships - as opposed to just getting some kinky sex - will always seek guidance and to learn from others. Anyone who doesn't falls into the wannabe class for me. We're all only human!

[Guest 91108]

1st ... I'm not human. <weg>

ok .. to me guidance from a Dom to a sub would be helping her learn the lifestyle while giving her some protection from being left out in the cold and subject to being used or possibly abused in a situation where the sub may not know what is to be expected, etc.
I also think it is more than friend; but different much like a teacher or mentor type relationship.

And I agree.. everyone should seek guidance whether in the BDSM topics or not.
I've not run across anyone who I would title as " All Knowing" yet.
To strike out on one's on and assume they know is "wannabee" to me.

[cariad]

As far as seeking guidance goes, I think that anyone who is sincerely interested in bdsm relationships - as opposed to just getting some kinky sex - will always seek guidance and to learn from others. Anyone who doesn't falls into the wannabe class for me. We're all only human!

I think that is an important part of our journey into this lifestyle - the balance between kinky sex and D/s. Some like all one, some all the other, and most a varying balance. No mix is intrinsically better than the other, only better for that particular person.

A number of people who I have met from this site are struggling either because they have not yet found the right combination for themselves, or have not accepted it.

Sorry I know that is slightly off topic, but it is something I feel strongly about, so was unable to keep quite when I saw moptop's post.

cariad

[elliemay]

I have always been one to seek guidence in many ways, I'm pretty open to ask questions and share opinions, going back to the origional post I do think that saomewhere along the line we all seek some sort of social support, we either seek or come across an acceptance that we are not alone within our beliefs and practices and I think that is important. Its a step towards accepting self that is usually around the begining but could happen at any time.

I have been lucky in some ways and come across the 'right' people for me but I have found that sometimes the line between guide and lover can get blurry. A guide in life generally would be an amazing thing I think, I have yet to find one but if you have that one person your lucky I think. I tend to learn bits and pieces from different people.