I read a few of the chapters of your story. I particularly liked The True Valedictorian.

I would direct you to... http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9251
... if you haven't already read it.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
You have no characters the audience can root for. They suffer, which I have to assume most of us quite enjoy reading about, but then they lose. They don't just lose, they lose everything, quickly with no hope of recovery in sight. People can feel sad for that character but it's hard to get behind it.

People may enjoy the story format more if the individual chapters were longer and could follow a characters suffering, but if that's not the story you want to tell, don't do it.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
The chapters I read did a wonderful job of conveying feelings of hopelessness, if thats what you were aiming for you hit your mark. If people don't want to read if that's a different matter.