Lost and confused?

[Ozme52]

Hello all. I have a billion questions so I figured this would be the place to start.

1.) Do all dom(me)/sub relationships have humiliation and demeining name calling or is it possible to have this type of relationship without that.

No, not at all. I, for one, almost never humiliate or demean my sub. No name calling except for one which she adores and is proud of... in the right context. It never humiliates her. But I do do things that embarass her and that makes her very very hot. It depends on where you draw the line between embarassment and humiliation.

2.) How far do you have to go I understand that there are hard limits and soft limits but If your not comfortable with thing you may have seen or found does that mean this is not for you or can you stay in the kiddy pool so to speak?

There is no "criteria" for being lifestyle. If you don't want to do something and have told your partner, then you don't do it. You should read up though, on the "difference" between hard and soft limits... some "limits" may make you uncomfortable... (as opposed to out and out "no way, not ever") and you might find your curiosity overcomes your discomfort.

But we all have things we don't want to do. And there will always be someone who does do them... but that doesn't make them either more nor less "bdsmier" than you.

3.) Is there a way to find a teacher in stead of a dom(me)/ sub

Yes, absolutely, but pure mentors are hard to come by, at least among doms (and perhaps dommes) because we want to be involved. Because what we do isn't clinical... and how can I teach someone to be a dominant, if there's not a submissive giving herself to me so I can demonstrate... Does that make sense?

That doesn't mean they aren't out there... or that the right set of circumstances couldn't create an opportunity for you... maybe to tag along and see a dom with an established sub, and watch how it's done.

Some subs are very exhibisionist... and would love to be used that way, some would be humiliated... and would love to be used that way... so yes, you might find a pure mentor/teacher situation.

These are a few of the things racing through my mind. I explored a little last night. I was at a fettish ball and had brought some friends. They weren't in it as much as I was. I met a lot of different people and had a lot of fun but I'm still blurred as to which way I like better. Anyways most of the night I was in control Flogging willing victims teasing and being amused but I really love a good spanking. So I let my composure down and allowed myself to be cropped by this fierce vixen mmm. I really wanted more so I asked to be flogged apparently I caught the attention of the main event dude so he did it for me. then he lifted my skirt and spanked the shit out of my ass he asked if he could bite me and I am a sucker for that so I allowed him. (there is a point I promise) I felt not sexual desire from this I just really enjoyed the sensations. I felt I was fulfilling curiosities conducting my own experiment if you will. He presented me with a pass to the after party but I did decline because I knew I would only want to watch I 'm not ready for participation yet. My friend was so disgusted by my display that she reemed me a new one. I came on last night and talked to some wonderful people who helped because I seriously was on the brink of tears. Thank you to all I spoke to. I didn't sleep well last night ans still kinda feel uneasy. Has or is anoyne felt\feeling like this. I obviously don't have the support I need in my immediate circle and this has become my safe haven.

Any comments or experiences are GREATLY appreciated.
Thank you.

Some things are best explored by yourself... with people who have definitely said they like doing them. "Friends" are often really just acquaintances... and can disappoint you.

They say only 10% of us human beings enjoy this stuff. So that means at least nine of your friends are going to have the same reaction. Better to explore with people who attend these things on their on volition.