Ok so please forgive me part of this is a rant and the other part contains more questions.

I feel like a better person since I first explored this site. By talking to such amazingly supportive people I feel much less ashamed of closeted about my self. However, my new found interest has brought opposition from my friends and family. I really do talk about it to them because of this but some how they still find out. All they see are the kinks and "sex" but my fascination is much more about the dynamics of Dom(me)/ sub relationships. I just want to fully understand it because this is totally new to me. I feel like a kid in a candy store with so many flavors to explore. I know some I will never like some might look scary but I would probably dig and there are the ones I know I like. Right now I feel a bit limited because I am so new and inexperienced as well as doing this all solo. Maybe this would be easier with a partner to go exploring with but that’s just not an option. I know that I could be taught and molded into either role but I am also scared. I'm afraid of loosing parts of myself. I built my self to be free and fierce blunt and strong but I'm also needy and like when people fix the bad stuff so to speak. I have been looking at the dynamics of previous relationship and see this power exchange. I am afraid to just submit and lose control I have for myself but would be willing to if I met the right person. Also I don’t feel confident enough to Domme someone because I am inexperienced and understand how much trust is involved and don’t want to take that lightly or misuse or hurt anyone. I don’t want to give up I'm just frustrated. Lastly of my issues is I love sex but I can bring myself to be with just anybody. I usually require monogamy because in my vanilla life I'm sexually intense. I open myself up and so does the other person and we have this weird connection where we experience each others feelings. That along with my fear of STD's keeps me in masturbation land lol. I guess I just wanted to know if others feel this way or have been here before. What are your recommendations on educating myself more? What is expected out of online relationships vs. real life? All replies are greatly appreciated!