First of all I would like to say that it is a truly amazing thing you are doing, to have your mother be spending the last days of her life in home, with you, with the incredible support that hospice provides. To be able to pass away this way is a gift; to be able to give that gift to your mother is a blessing beyond words.

It is okay to cry. It is okay to not cry. It is okay to scream, to be angry, to be numb, to be anything. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You are in a very scary place, the cusp of not only losing your mother - your anchor - but on the cusp of having to redefine yourself as a person whose life represents a lineage. Let yourself feel whatever you are capable of feeling. Accept that there is a loss of control at this time, that you are not 'yourself', that you are bereft and grieving and will continue to grieve. Loss is not an event, it is a process.

Take care of yourself. If you are hungry, eat - and do your best to eat healthy foods, even if only in small quantities. Try to sleep every night. Do things that comfort you - I pull out my childhood stuffed animals and take lots of bubble baths when I am in mourning. If you have the sort of friend that wouldn't mind if you came over and just curled up on their couch and felt the comfort of their presence, take them up on that. It is not your job right now to be "fun" or "joyful" or "entertaining". Don't try. Be honest to yourself and to your feelings, as hard as it may be.

Be a source of comfort to your mother. Sit with her quietly and hold her hand. Read poems or sing songs that are significant, if there are any. Comb her hair, with a soft brush or with your fingers. Tell her how proud you are of her courage to face death. Don't worry about saying things of significance, just say what comes to mind. Speak from your heart. She is your mother. You are her child. She knows you. She will understand that your presence alone is your love. She will need that love.

If people ask how you are, it is okay to dispense with the usual "Oh I'm fine" if you're not up for saying it. Sometimes I say "I'm sad" or "I'm not having such a great day". If I don't share the real reason, I simply say that I'm going through some really hard things in my life - which is the truth - and people accept that. They will see your sadness. They may try to comfort you, even if it's awkward. Accept their comfort if they offer it. Forgive them in your heart if they do not - not everyone knows what to say, and some people in those circumstances choose to say nothing, for fear of causing offense. It's rare to find people willing to talk about death, and dying.

I hope that your mother's passing is a peaceful one. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time, and I wish you your own strength and courage to face this.

Know this, and repeat it to yourself, and keep it in your mind: You are a good, whole, worthwhile human being. You are okay. Any negative thoughts are just symptoms of the stress you're going through. You are much more than the emotional pain that is causing you suffering. Don't lose sight of that. Beneath the surface turmoil you are good - you are whole - you are beautiful - just because you are.