I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. My husband was ill for a year before he passed away so I know a little of that feeling of being with someone but knowing it will not be for long. I'm so glad that you can post your lovely message about your mother's waving to you. One of the only comforting things about being with someone who is passing is being able to see their true selves and your unique relationship peeking out from the generic trappings of illness and death. I hope that you will be able to take comfort in these apparently small exchanges. I agree with the suggestions about brushing her hair, speaking with her, reminiscing even if it seems that she can't hear you. Enjoy your memories of the past and share them with her, and enjoy whatever moments are enjoyable in your present.

This might sound macabre, but I would not encourage you to let someone whisk her remains away the moment she passes. Obviously I don't mean anything extreme, but life is a journey, and once she reaches her destination you don't have to say goodbye immediately. Sit with her, be with her, for as long as you need. Don't let other people's timetables or their need for finality prevent you from taking the time you need. In my religious tradition we believe that the soul remains near the body until it is interred, so we will care for a body and keep it company until the funeral, even reading out loud to it so the soul is not lonely. I am not encouraging you to do this, just to be aware that our society can be so cold and clinical about death, and you need not be if you don't want to.

I'm sorry that you don't have a strong support system with you. Online communities can be wonderful, and I thank God for this one often, but I wish you had people to sit with you and bring you soup. To the extent that you do, please let other people care for you. They want to, and sometimes they just need your permission. But even with the strongest support system, in the end you need to provide your own support. Be your own inner parent. Be a gentle, loving parent, not a harsh judgmental one. Let yourself feel whatever you feel - you might feel some relief, you might remember your mother in fondness, you might feel anger, you might be overwhelmed with sadness - all at the same time or at different times, and these are all OK. Tell yourself that. Give yourself treats. Be sure to eat. Get out for a walk. Have a bath. Let yourself laugh as well as cry. Be firm with yourself about taking care of yourself, even when you don't want to.

My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry for your very difficult situation. Please feel free to PM me whenever you like.

- R.