I am forwarding advice I gave a novice recently. I think it may help you. Good Luck.

First, OK try to read SM101 or The New Bottoming Book. They are very important primers esp. about safety processes. There are a lot of crazy's in BDSM who are in only for themselves. The are at least abusive and frequently dangerous.

Second, pleasure/pain, i.e., SEX is the reason behind BDSM activities. Occasional, service only and no sex is negotiated. To each their own. BDSM is a CONSENSUAL pleasure/pain. Some want pleasure only and some pleasure/pain only when required and some (masochist) was pain all the time.....for some the more the better. Pleasure/pain can be physical....spanking, nipple, clamps, etc or mental...corner time, eye restrictions, humiliation. Bondage is physical that cause mental pleasure. BUT is ALWAYS Pleasure to both participants .....otherwise it is not consensual. It is is ultimately fun....it is not BDSM. BDSM is NOT about abuse...physical or mental. SSC (safe, sane, consensual) is the only way you should play until you really get to know your partner very well. RACK (Risk Aware, Consensual Kink) allows the other a free hand since you are aware of the risk. The question is: Do you really want to risk your life?

Third, you always negotiate your interactions....what is going to be done ......what is NOT going to done, etc. Please precise and detail. Know your hard limits....for example no needle or knife play or scat or water sports.....your Hard LIMITS can never be violated. Also you have safe words to stop whatever is happening cold.....dead stop......no if, and or buts...

Fourth,the differences between the following:
a) TOP/bottom: it is about the physical body.....pleasure/pain. The TOP does things to the bottom, spanking, clothe pins, crop, penetration, etc and the bottom reacts. The TOP then reacts......it is a physical dance. Once play is over the two participants are equal.

b) DOM/submissive is about the mental body.....specifically power. The DOM/DOMME is in complete control during the scene and the submissive submits to whatever the DOM wants. Now there can be sexual subs who only submit in sex and nothing else. The is the Daddy DOM/lil girl where the DOM is a daddy like figure (NOT the father) and the lil girl (NOT a daughter) submits to Daddy DOM. This is NOT incest or anything like that. It is just the relationship. The Daddy DOM pampers and disciplines his lil girl.

c) Master/slave is beyond DOM/sub since it is supposed to be 24/7. It is about spiritual body....submitting to subconcious urges. Many slaves can't remember when they weren't submissive and wanted to submit. The relationship is like above and contracts for periods of time are signed by two equal people. Only after the contract is signed does the roles come into play. As a rule, the slave ASKS the Master to be his or her slave.

d) finally there is Owner/slave.....an extreme Master/slave that is without any limits or whatever is negotiated.