Male submissives

[Ozme52]

Ah, the 'lack of male subs' thing...something that I've often thought about since joining this place.

Dave thinks that many male subs are 'poor communicators?' Oh dear...so what does that say about male subs??? Does that mean that male doesn't communicate well because he is submissive - or are we talking about males in general?????????

-------------(in response to the "freak" comment)

Erm...I have NEVER had that feeling here - in fact, quite the opposite!

-------------(in response to the "intro and done" comment)

Yes, there have certainly been a few male subs that have joined and they do seem to vanish fairly quickly. I have only ever spoken with one male sub in chat (I don't go there often, either) and this guy certainly seemed to out to fulfill his fantasies

I agree that many will see FemDom as a fantasy - and I do know of one Domme that has become so pissed off with being contacted by male submissives asking if she will do this and that - and she now simply doesn't bother to reply to PMs!

I do agree with Dixie Lass to a certain extent that the male subs coming here tend not to post much information in their profiles. I smiled when I saw her comment about the introductions; "...Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Every time I see an intro like that, it just makes my eyes roll and I think to myself, "Oh no, not another one!" What happened to 'getting to know people' - or don't folk bother with things like that these days? I suppose thats where the communication thing comes in

Is it the stereotypical 'Macho' thing as well? While it may be OK in fantasy to be dominated by a female, the majority of males wouldn't admit to it.

Exactly my points Tufty. You're the perfect example of a submissive male who makes his way through these forums just fine. As I said, patience and persistance.

[Little Man]

Personally I find the dearth of male submissives rather sad. I know that we are out there, but we struggle to come out and do more than grunt a "hello". I am heartened to see some in this thread. I am not alone! LOL.

I don't think that I am a freak, but I do think that some people see a male sub and think "only wants to get his rocks off and no commitment". I guess that those people do exist. I am perhaps a little odd because I am in an LDR, no sex with my Dominant, just the ubiquitous mind fuck. Being submissive answers a need for me, it is part of my lifestyle, but isn't my entire life (unfortunately). I don't see too many others like me and that may, in part, keep me more of a lurker than a participant.

[Pearlgem]

Now you come to mention it...I guess you don't see that many male subs around here beyond the introductions. And now that you've pointed it out...you don't see that many contributing to the forums. And are they really...looked down on as misunderstood manipulative freaks?

So, all you male subs out there. Come and talk to us. Let us get to know you.

[Flaming_Redhead]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

[markus_valtion]

i'm a male sub. or at least i think i am but i'm still learing. i hope i can put in my 2 cents as well

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

i agree with you. there are alot of people who just see it as a thrill but dont want to be out of control. and to me thats the main thing of being a sub. to not be incontrol. i love the feeling of being out of controle. and i'm only truly happy to please my partner.

also communication is more difficult for a man. at least for me it is. but i do my best . its difficult at time but aslong as your patient and keep going things will always work out. i guess some people just dont want to put in the effort.

[db05]

I think that part of the problem is the very thin line between having limits and preferences vs. a "script". I've had Dommes comment to me on other forums that it is ridiculous for subs to try to set out very specific do's and don'ts; that they're taking the Domme's power.

On the other hand, we all have things that work for us and things that don't. To me (and I mean no offense to anyone whatever their own likes and dislikes) the whole ritualistic Domm(me)/sub "Master/Mistress" interaction along with stereotyped costumes (leather and/or latex) make the whole thing seem something of a game. It seems a bit like dressing up in Star Trek garb and learning to speak Klingonese. And I happen to not be into pain also. This doesn't make these things wrong, but they're not right for me.

To me the greatest area of female power is their sexual power. And I don't think a woman has to wear leather or be called Mistress to exert her power over men. I truly believe that almost all men want to serve women but many are too proud to admit it! I am totally thrilled when a woman uses my sexual excitement to subdue me and makes me totally submit to her.

[IAN 2411]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

Thankyou for that discription, i love it.

I wrote in this thread before the crash, and I have just read all the posts to refresh my mind. I have to admit that I only joined this site just less than four months ago. In that time I have written a few posts, and read many threads, I have always been interested in BDSM, but unlike many I have failed to participate on a regular basis. There are many types of male submissive, and I too have noticed that many that post their first post are never seen again. I think that you have to blame that on magazines, and the type of books that I write, because the males are all young, and are all looking for a Fem/Dom. They are all looking for that beautiful Fem/Dom with the hour glass figure and the long blonde hair, it is not BDSM they are after it is lust, but anyone that knows anything about women, and reads the adverts in those magazines, that there is a painful price to pay just to get close to them. I also believe that if they all got what they were asking of the Fem/Dom just once, 80% would never be seen outside their house let alone on a BDSM site ever again.

I am a sub but nothing special, I was a Master at my work and respected by my peers during the day, but at night I was the opposite. My wife died 18 months ago, and although it was a vanilla marriage, even now I’m not sure if we were not playing a game with each other, and without the other knowing. I would do all she asked and without question, I would let her win the argument even when she was wrong. She would strike out with her hand if something was done wrong; I dared to show my feelings for fear of another strike. She would screw a jaw, or give a little jab, but there was always room for love afterwards. Her eyes never left me when at weddings and parties; I would always look around and see her smiling at me, jealousy, possessiveness, or protectiveness? She made the decisions and she made the plans, there was never shall we, or can we? It was always we are and we can, and I let her do it, she was domineering and I was her sub, and if she said get down and kiss my ass I would have done it, well she had a very nice ass. Just to throw a little more light, there was BDSM before ever I married her 31 years ago. If these young subs had to come in with their real name, instead of a username, they would have a little more respect for the Domms they are talking too, a person can only gain respect by giving respect.

I am not sure if all men are bad communicators, but I am with women and always have been. I fear them a little, and mostly because they can hurt by just verbally chastising. A woman or girl could never hurt me physically to the extent I would not want to see them again, but verbally they are awesome, and having said that my first wife could always bring tears to my eyes. Some things that women and girls have said to me over the years have hurt, and some that have done it unintentionally I have avoided for a long time afterwards. Yes I go into chat and sometimes I participate and sometime I just listen, and there are more female subs than male, but who gives a damn, I don’t? I go there because being there makes me feel liberated from the vanilla world, and the company is sound. I don’t think anyone thinks a male sub is a freak, apart from someone in the vanilla community, but what sub is going to tell them his secret anyway?

Regards Ian

[FirstBorn]

I have labeled myself a Dom/switch for my profile here.
Not that im a huge fan of labels really, i dont take pride or feel shame in having fantasies about dominating or submitting even when the topics turn to rape and permanent injury.
I have a lot more experience dominating than submitting, moreso than my fantasies would indicate but not to an extend where i feel i have to seek out a Domme no matter the costs (cash or emotional).

Really the sub in me is not looking for a godess or anything pretentius like that. I dont play that way as a Dom and dont want to as a sub. Come to think of what id really like is to be on the reciving end of a female version of my Dom self for a little while. I cant buy that and rarely get to talk to Dommes that i feel i have common ground with.

I did get in trouble commenting on the 21 replies a Domme in the personals got. I felt i was being polite and helpful but apparently others didnt and im sorry for that.

My comment was something to the effect, that she got plenty of offers from males apparently trying to be as generic and adaptable as possible. Im not saying theyr not allowed to be that way or that she shouldnt accept someone like that. But thats not what i look for in a sub and its not what i want to be for a Domme.

The point is slightly lost now with my post deleted and me living in europe only considering an online relationship anyways. But those were my five cents.

[VicSub]

I really like this post. I am very new to this forum, and was at first surprised that there was a lack of female dommes in the dom looking for subs thread.

It is my personal belief that life is all about balance. In my public life, due to the profession I have chosen, I have to be a very dominate, go getting personality. I find it very exhausting and have to have some me time (for a better term). In my last relationship I had a girlfriend that was very dominate in the bedroom but somewhat submissive in public life. This is how I found out how enjoyable it was to give some one else control.

Now I have decided to take the journey to discover this side of my life.

I know I have my fantasies, through reading the stories in the library. But it is my belief that to fully enjoy my submissive side I have to give up my needs to someone else. I hope that this website will help me do this.

[subpeter]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

I think that is what makes it especially difficult for a male sub since a lot of "Domme's" expect us to tell them what we want when I believe it should be the other way around! And please, no wig! Your hair is beautiful as is

[thir]

I tried this way last time and it kind of got washed away with no response. I haven't been on the forum much because holidays are starting up and people have to eat but it seems like from what I've seen there aren't very many male submissives it is that or they don't go on the forum much. But I always hear how there are so many male submissives and so few female dominants that makes me wonder how many are actual submissives or just guys thinking they can get easy sex. How many are truly masochistic, how many love bondage. I just wonder feel free to place input or let this thread die also.

Ups, I should have read more of the thread before answering - a lot of 'bad press' here..and I have repeated what is already said which is not necessary.
So let me once again say that as a domme I obviously appreciate the existence of male subs a lot ;-)) and would definitely welcome much more input from you all!

[fetishdj]

In my experience, it is not just the subs but also the so called Doms. There are, I think, just as many 'Doms' who go into chatrooms and try to 'dominate' any woman who is in there with such sterling lines as 'Bow down before me, bitch' which is rarely preceeded by even a cursory 'hello' to the room, never mind the Dominant lady he is talking to who was just having an interesting and rather vanilla chat with their long term online sub...

I think the problem (if it may be seen as such, personally I don't) in this site is that we have intelligent and insightful posts and the successful Dom/mes and subs are those who participate in discussions in intelligent and insightful ways. Some men come here looking for a quick, dirty shag or a bit of online play and, finding nothing but discussions on everything from politics and religion to 'what is a sub', get bored and wander off elsewhere.

At least I hope this is the case otherwise my whole strategy for getting a quick, dirty shag is useless (and I have been pursuing it for several years so far, success may not be far ahead... )

The chatroom from what I have seen is not populated by these missing subs. Most of those I see in the chatroom are those who also post in the forums and there are usually more female subs than males (but then this was originally a very Male Dom/fem sub orientated site, though us 'femdom wierdoes are creeping in now).

[Pearlgem]

I think the problem (if it may be seen as such, personally I don't) in this site is that we have intelligent and insightful posts and the successful Dom/mes and subs are those who participate in discussions in intelligent and insightful ways. Some men come here looking for a quick, dirty shag or a bit of online play and, finding nothing but discussions on everything from politics and religion to 'what is a sub', get bored and wander off elsewhere.

At least I hope this is the case otherwise my whole strategy for getting a quick, dirty shag is useless (and I have been pursuing it for several years so far, success may not be far ahead... )

Never give up hope, fetish! Your dirty little secret's safe with... ah, um, you may just have blown it. All those years on here as a mole just waiting for an innocent newbie and the right moment...

Curses!

[fetishdj]

Damn... foiled again.... Now I will have to delete you all!

[Pearlgem]

Damn... foiled again.... Now I will have to delete you all!

You'll never get away wi

[DaveAM]

Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.

[yama]

Dear Dave, I avoid chat rooms for the same reason
you describe so well. Forums are much better. Some may
have the ability to follow chats, I have not.

May I bring up an off-topic subject? I don't want to start a new thread
just for that. In your post I can see that you use lowercase "i" in the
pronoun "I". I have seen it in many posts of subs. First I thought
it was just a superficial typing, but I had a chat session with a gentleman
who demanded me using a lowercase "i", and made me understand that
it was a humiliation. Well, I loved it, only I kept making mistakes,
and was always punished painfully for those. It was OK with me,
I loved the punishments, too. I am in full peace with the thing.

But I want to ask (not just Dave, but everybody): am I supposed
to use lowercase "i" on the Forums, too? If I am, I will be glad to do it,
I really want to humiliate myself in every possible way. Only it will
slow down my typing, I am used to the opposite. And I will do lots of
mistakes, of course.

So please let me know what am I supposed to do. I will be docile
and obedient. Thank you very much.

Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.

[DaveAM]

Dear Dave, I avoid chat rooms for the same reason
you describe so well. Forums are much better. Some may
have the ability to follow chats, I have not.

But I want to ask (not just Dave, but everybody): am I supposed
to use lowercase "i" on the Forums, too? If I am, I will be glad to do it,
I really want to humiliate myself in every possible way. Only it will
slow down my typing, I am used to the opposite. And I will do lots of
mistakes, of course.

Yama, i saw the use of lower case i in some of the stories i've read. i liked the idea of making myself less important in this small manner. i have no idea what others do or expect. If it slows down typing you probably don't want to bother unless you are directed to by a Master/Mistress.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

[yama]

Dear Dave, thank you for your useful reply. I will use lowercase "i" without any hesitation if somebody declares that she/he is offended by my uppercase "I"s. I accept this correction not only from dominants but from submissives, too. Nothing want I less than to offend anybody.

It is only that I trust the judgement of Sir Oz very much, and will base on it and my own clumsyness till there aren't other reasons. And I can see myself that the use of lowercase is widespread but not general.

So much for the Forums. Messaging to a Dominant, male or female, I feel natural the use of lowercase "i" and uppercase "You". D/double C/characters I don't understand and will not use.

Thank you again very much indeed. Merry Christmas to you and everybody.

Yama, i saw the use of lower case i in some of the stories i've read. i liked the idea of making myself less important in this small manner. i have no idea what others do or expect. If it slows down typing you probably don't want to bother unless you are directed to by a Master/Mistress.

[Pearlgem]

Dave, honestly I feel the same about the chat room. It makes me dizzy. The forums are where you really get to know people and express yourself so give it a good go. I'm sure you'll get on better there and feel more part of the community. See you around x x

[voxelectronica]

So after reading this all I have to say is OMG!

I never realized that I was *lucky*. My first encounter with a male sub was what made me be a switch because *he* was that good. He would say things like "i like it when you do this, what else do you want?"... the entire thing was almost... innocent in nature.

I'm still very selective to who I talk to and wont engage in conversation that's at all sexual in nature until *I* choose to make that the topic. So far my lucks been pretty good with this approach. I would however love it, if there were more male subs who contributed to the site.

I am leaning towards Fetish's idea as another contributing factor though.

[Ozme52]

So after reading this all I have to say is OMG!

I never realized that I was *lucky*. My first encounter with a male sub was what made me be a switch because *he* was that good. He would say things like "i like it when you do this, what else do you want?"... the entire thing was almost... innocent in nature.

I'm still very selective to who I talk to and wont engage in conversation that's at all sexual in nature until *I* choose to make that the topic. So far my lucks been pretty good with this approach. I would however love it, if there were more male subs who contributed to the site.

I am leaning towards Fetish's idea as another contributing factor though.

We make our own luck vox.

[voxelectronica]

We make our own luck vox.

so I'm going to have just a tad rant here... sorry.

On another site my profile clearly says gender queer with Male persona while Dominating and that terms like Domme or Ma'am do not suit me. I get soooo many people messaging me with Ma'am...

I just delete them.

[Ozme52]

yama, some insist on upper and lower case usage as a protocol... some don't.

Regardless of your own preference (now or in the future,) please don't adopt the practice of using both when you don't know the orientation of the reader... or when you are addressing both orientations...

Because W/we A/all really hate it when P/people take I/it to excess.

[lucy]

Originally Posted by DaveAM View Post
Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.

You can always go to a private room to talk with someone. I'm one of those too who can't follow a discussion in the chat's main room, so if i go there i usually end up going to a private room.

[voxelectronica]

.

Because W/we A/all really hate it when P/people take I/it to excess.

sometimes I really think you might be better than ice cream.... sometimes.

[yama]

Because W/we A/all really hate it when P/people take I/it to excess.

T/thank Y/you, S/sir, I/i T/hink I/i W/will K/keep M/my F/former P/practice.

I can see now that lowercase "i" is not obligatory. I want to obey every real rule,
but I don't feel this a self-humiliation. A protocol, as you say. And it was rather
difficult to learn English spelling... I hope everyone will understand.

Thank you for teaching me. Your posts are so clear.

[moonlitsub]

Jez, wow I threw this thread up expecting a few replys four maybe tops it gets me kind of gitty to see all this conversation from silly little me. I have to throw my two cents in now though. I love talking to anyone who is fetishist or d/s or what ever. I find myself blending into lots of "alternative" cultures also being bi I find that the Domme/sub relationship and the Dom/sub relationships to be completely different. I would love to chat on here more but my I am currently in what I would call an apprenticeship and my job takes most my life. I wanted to give my thoughts on points to some things people have said through out the thread.

First being how men are raised to take the lead. I find this true but only in some instances and this ideal is being slowly bled away as women are raised to lead there own career lives and so on. Yet still in some instances like in a vanilla relationship the guy is expected to take the lead, and if not he tends to fall into the dreaded friend category. Also in a d/s relationship I think a Dom/me can sit back and let the sub do all the work as long as there are specific orders and guidelines already set up.

Also as being a male sub who has frequented this site on and off for about three years (I changed screen names for certain reasons.) that I would love to converse more but I find myself so limited in this online dialog and enjoy face to face, or face to feet depending on how restrictive the Dom/me is
which brings me to a question I have for the people here, I work in a kitchen overnight and my boss is pretty chill well a chill as a short french man can be but I keep wanting to ask for specific days off (one day every month) so I can go to the monthly munch in the area, but he knows me I don't ask for days off unless its important, so I don't know what to tell him so I can get said day off without having to trounce out my whole sexual lifestyle. Any suggestions ladies and gents?

I think this is satisfactory and it makes sense but then again I all caffeined up.

[numenor]

[QUOTE=moonlitsub;786898]...I work in a kitchen overnight and my boss is pretty chill well a chill as a short french man can be but I keep wanting to ask for specific days off (one day every month) so I can go to the monthly munch in the area, but he knows me I don't ask for days off unless its important, so I don't know what to tell him so I can get said day off without having to trounce out my whole sexual lifestyle. Any suggestions ladies and gents?
[QUOTE]
Chill=Boss
you=you

you: Chill some of my friends get together every month and spend time together, i don't usually go because i work and they understand that, but a few of them have asked me multiple times and have been giving me crap because they say i am being "antisocial" <you could let Chill know that you are trying to be more social with your friends and that is something that you are working on - which puts more power in his hands, not sure if you are comfortable with that but it might work, then Chill is provided with an oprotunity to be supprotive to you>. i don't want to be rude but i couldn't say yes until i asked for a day off, could i have <insert day off here>.

i got invited to go to a <insert event here e.g. party, get together with friends, etc. >. i don't want to be rude but i couldn't say yes until i asked for a day off, could i have <insert day off here>.

[shayna{L_D}]