Confused?

[leah06]

I totally agree that you need to find a way to communicate that is comfortable for her. Journaling? Email? A chat program? You could describe a scene to her and give her a checklist, like the bdsm checklist but more specific to the scene, and get very short responses. Eventually, maybe she could be persuaded to share a fantasy of hers, with the understanding that it is a fantasy and that no one is planning to enact it. Whatever it is, praise her and be positive that it's a really great one. I will tell you from personal experience, nothing makes you feel worse than sharing a fantasy and getting a tepid response. Also, praise her after a scene. Let her know that you know it's hard for her and you love how well she's doing.

One final thought - give her two words, one that means I like this I want more, and one that means back off. Tell her she has to use each of them at least once in a scene. Praise her. Good luck.

[Matin]

perhaps delicate might mean emotionally fragile? a person who has experienced a lot of trauma in their lives doesn't necesarily respond to stimuli the same as someone who hasn't, and doesn't respond the same every time.

sometimes you can't know what will set them off till you hit that limit, and sometimes all the talk in the world won't find the boundaries before you cross them.

in my experience just experiment slowly. slowly push your (both of your) boundaries and be prepared to spend a lot of time comforting her when sh*t doesn't go as planned

it's worth the investment in time i think.

[Orgasm_Man]

Thank you Aibo,Logic,angela,rachel,Matin.
I really appreciate your advice guys.
But the main problem is that she is totally inexperienced and wants to try out her limits.I am worried that I might push her over the limits..
I have asked her to read stories so that she get to know the lifestyle and find out what excites her.

[jeanne]

But the main problem is that she is totally inexperienced and wants to try out her limits.

There are two conflicting concepts here.

"...she is totally inexperienced..." and "...wants to try out her limits."

There is soooooo much that won't come near her limits that she needs to do before pushing against those limits. A brand-new submissive is often in a hurry - she wants to experience everything her imagination can come up with, all those scenes she's read in books and stories...but I truly believe she should be forced to slow down. Yes, by her Dom. It is your responsibility to set the pace, to 'make' her take it slower. Discovering one's submissive self is a process. One that needs to be respected and not rushed. You'll have a better submissive for it in the long run - one who trusts deeper and will go farther than she can even conceive of right now.

I know this because that's what my Owner did with me - and according to Him, I am His IPS*.

*Indispensably Perfect Submissive

[Aibo]

Thank you Aibo,Logic,angela,rachel,Matin.
I really appreciate your advice guys.
But the main problem is that she is totally inexperienced and wants to try out her limits.I am worried that I might push her over the limits..
I have asked her to read stories so that she get to know the lifestyle and find out what excites her.

A-hah! Yes been there, she was also delicate, somewhat neurotic. Even though I knew she might rush off to someone that might jump in straight, I would not get into a heavy session with a newbie rightoff.
(As it happens this is the same girl you see, er well smeared the face yet is on my avatar image.)

Instead I took her to restaurants, sightseeing places and started to build up a relationship and mutual understanding for each other. Yes she pushed and hinted, and here angela_shy described most of how I did .
In the end it took about ½ year until we did get to do what she originally had suggested.

BDSM takes time, there is no such thing as a quickie here.

Happy new year again - im off for the new years party in a few now.