Hi Kay, and everyone -- this has been a really great thread to read. I've spent years feeling guilty for having a difficult time cumming. It got to the point where I was afraid to have sex with my hubby b/c I got so anxious about it.

I have to agree with my fellow posters that, for me anyhow, anxiety was a major culprit. The more anxious I got, the more difficult it was for me to relax, to enjoy myself. I've tried worrying less, and although I still only cum sometimes, at least I'm allowing myself the pleasure of intimacy more often.

And that's the second problem, for me. I was so focused on orgasm -- or my failure to do so -- that I wasn't enjoying the play. I kept trying to orient myself to orgasm rather than enjoying subtle sensations. One thing I found that helped was to spend time with myself, and my hubby, just focusing on feeling sensual.

One "task" to try is to enjoy touching (yourself or each other) with the express purpose of NOT cumming. If you know from the get-go that orgasm is not the goal, then you can focus on other things, like appreciating other bodily sensations. You might like to do this every week or whatever, so that you can enjoy the feeling of intimacy without having to worry about being anxious. You might take a nice bath with yourself and just feel the water moving over your body.

I still get really frustrated, sometimes -- good luck, and remember to love yourself for where you're at right now. You're a sweet kitten who needs affection and gentle guidance, and there's nothing "wrong" with you.