Well, we are definitely "less extreme" and have been married a long time, with a relationship based in love, trust, openness, forgiveness and equality. Just recently we got into the bdsm activities, with me being the more kinky party. Our relationship outside of sex is not d/s, but for me I need the being dominated and such to have maximum enjoyment. He is enjoying a lot of things that he never thought he would do, basically for my sake.