BDSM outside of marriage

[ickleimi]

theres a really good erotic fantasy series based around a hockey team the Dartmouth Cobras which shows quite well how it can work. It's not the perfect series but there is some good stuff in there. I also know quite a few kinksters who are in such a relationship and it just works, theres no issues. Only problem is trying to stop their daughter getting bullied for telling people that she had two Dads and a Mum

[just_ine]

I believe the root of jealousy is insecurity. If I am secure in my relationship/s (whether mono OR poly) then there would be no reason for jealousy.

Thus:

Now, from what I understand I assume Couple 1 have a somewhat open relationship whereas Couple 2 is very strictly monogamous.

I'm not sure if one can simply make such an assumption.

My 'read' on the described situation is rather:
The man from couple 1 is secure in the place he occupies in his partners life.
The man in couple 2 imo feels threatened. He is insecure about the place he occupies in her life. If he wasn't worried he wouldn't be jealous and most certainly be sulking.

My Doms other girl is my best friend. I Love knowing they are spending time together just as she feels the same way when He is spending time with me.
Why don't I feel jealous? Because I am secure in knowing the role I play in His life.
When I feel a slight twinge....I recognise it as a sign of insecurity and I make sure we address it. And things settle again.

Now, I'm certainly not suggesting All monogamous people who prefer not to share are inherently insecure in their relationships, but rather that jealousy is a flashing light (in mono and poly) of a deeper problem.

[ar1]

I'm not sure if one can simply make such an assumption.

Oh my assumption was not based on the story, but on the fact that she goes off and features in porn shoots without him... :-P

[just_ine]

*grins* Point made.
Thing is, the point of my post still stands, imo. He is not feeling insecure. Guy nr 2 is.

[slaveboy 6]

Bdsm outside of marriage is a sticky proposition. Choosing my words carefully, love and sex are not necessarily the same thing. For instance, I surely love my wife, and our sex life is great. However, there have been women with whom I have had bdsm scenes, which included sexual activity. But, I did NOT love any of them. In fact I have had relationships with women, that were strictly via cyberspace. A lawyer would probably see that as adultery, and it probably is. On the other hand, if a man and a woman have a solid foundation, where jealousy does not rear it's ugly head, I don't see anything wrong with a cyber bdsm relationship.

That's my take on this subject.