when great plans go wrong!

i ran into an interesting proposition when i was posting on another page; sexual misadventures. the more embarassing the better. share! make everybody smile!

y'all know you want to.

i'll go first.

so my sub is actually a supervisor in the business where i work, whick makes clandestine spanking a whole lot of fun. one day i walked right into her office, spun her around, and planted a mighty wallop right smack on her lower back.

she just looked at me with that pained expression one reserves for a child who isn't that bright...

in retrospect it's hilarious. at the time.. not so much lmfao

and it was supposed to be so great.:rolleyes: she would spend the next few hours at her desk squirming and thinking of me... wet as hell...

*sigh* lmfao

I'm not sure if this counts as a sexual misadventure, but:

My pet, after setting up various safety precautions related to our first meeting, had an unrelated medical emergency that rendered her unable to make scheduled phone calls.

As a result I was threatened with jail time and had several people looking to kill me.

We'll look back on it someday and laugh.

-IC

when J and i were still playing around with various birth control options, (because latex and I don't get along) we tried this spermicide.

Since we had the house to ourselves, we were having a good time in the living room, new pornography on, generally defiling the house. And we were having a good time (i honestly can't remember for sure, but I think he finished first) when he suddenly got a pained look on his face, and ran upstairs.

Apparently he is allergic/sensitive to spermicide. He spent a good hour in agony. I even called a nurse friend for possible relief suggestions. Poor man.

And so much wasted empty house time... :(


Needless to say, (after a brief, hellish try with the shot) I'm now on the pill. Which doesn't cause either of us pain, although it does put a crimp in the love life when I forget it.. at least once a month.

This isn't related to BDSM but it was a plan go wrong
I won't tell the age but I was still in high school
We live in a mountainous part of the country

He drove up a dirt road far away from everything
Our clothes came off and I climbed on his lap and started to ride his cock
Just as he was cumming someone knocked on the car's window

Some guy's car broke down several miles up the road
It was VERY COLD outside and he didn't have a jacket
While I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap with cum dripping out of me the guy asked if we would give him a ride into town

He turned his back while we got dressed and then we drove him to his house
My boyfriend had a funny smile on his face the whole time
While I tried to ignore everyone in the car

omg confused... i can only imagine. He couldn't wait to knock till y'all were done? lol

I would have left his sorry ass in the cold mountains. But that's just me.

I think he was standing out there watching us before he knocked on the window
I don't know for sure my eyes were closed

I wish we could have left him there but it was about five degrees outside

My boyfriend wasn't any help
After we dropped the guy off he laughed his ass off
Said he couldn't wait to tell his friends - I told him to hold onto that memory tight because if he told his friends it would be the last time he fucked me
Plus I warned him; did he really want my dad and brother to find out he was screwing me!

Pretty neat stories and comments. In my younger days before I knew what my true desires were, my sweety and I would go parking where we felt we wouldn't get caught. Well we did a time or 2, by the cops a time or 2. I guess we didn't always pick the right place. And with my soon to be EX, (shes canned me), we parked some also. Hey, when you have kids, you may oppotunities. But for me , I don't see the enjoyment of letting the world know I'm BANGING whoever. I'm a private person. I take PRIDE in someone who gives it up to me. And my username says it all, Gentleman don't kiss and tell. But each their own. Who am I to tell others they are wrong.

A story i love to tell. Though not sexual in the least.

I was young and moved (like across country) to live with a Dom i had never actually met in real life. It worked out rather well why were together. Very Dominant guy was awesome for me in all ways as a sub (at the time).

Well i have some hair removal needs that i keep up with in various ways. During this time it was epil stop a fun little chemical cream. In my previous state everyone I knew used it and used it on their face (girls, boys, whoever). It wasn't a problem for us even me with my girlie soft skin.

So the Dom having his own hair to hide decided that he wanted to try it. He had back hair. Nothing that's to odd or to horrible at all but he didn't like it. Of course he had me use my little girlie cream on his big masculine back. I put it on and he said "this is warm" and I just said "well that's weird I've never noticed any warmness" . The time elapsed for when it should come off with him giving mild curious complaints about it "tingling" and being "warm".

I went to go wipe the hair away and noticed that it wasn't coming off. I of course told him this and immediately went to wipe it all off anyway at which he point he stopped me. He told me to leave it on. So we sat there. I did protest a little bit about safety and got "the look" and promptly shut up. I checked on it to see if any hair was being removed and it wasn't....

A short time after the elapsed time had came and gone he get's up screaming bloody murder and asks the quickest way to get it off. My advise was shower of course. So he strips and jumps into the shower. Screams more as the water is either to hot or to cold. I swear I didn't crack any smirks as Mr. uber Dom whimpered like a baby in the shower.

He did end up with some rather nasty chemical burns. I saw him years later as we had split and then had a brief reconciliation. It left scars.

I am not currently smirking about any of this. I am not even thinking about silly pride.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MissConfused

This isn't related to BDSM but it was a plan go wrong
I won't tell the age but I was still in high school
We live in a mountainous part of the country

He drove up a dirt road far away from everything
Our clothes came off and I climbed on his lap and started to ride his cock
Just as he was cumming someone knocked on the car's window

Some guy's car broke down several miles up the road
It was VERY COLD outside and he didn't have a jacket
While I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap with cum dripping out of me the guy asked if we would give him a ride into town

He turned his back while we got dressed and then we drove him to his house
My boyfriend had a funny smile on his face the whole time
While I tried to ignore everyone in the car

---

ROTFLMFAO! And I thought I was the only one who had shit like this happen. It's funny as hell now, isn't it MC.......but it sure wasn't funny then. (And my parents always found out.....every escapade I had.) This is hysterical. You should be a comedy writer.

DIXIE :shithappe

lol thanks everyone! and since we got off topic a little i've got an allergy one too.

when i was a kid i lived on the east coast. swarms of mosquitos, it's horrible. anyway they've got this ointment called lanicane or something like that. it came in a tube or this handy-dandy aerosol spray can.

so one day when i got really badly bitten my old man comes in with the spray can and proceeds to quickly spray all the bug bites i've got; neck, arms, legs, hands, feet, stomach, chest, back...

typical summer day lol

turns out i'm allergic to the stuff.

it left little blisters like lye soap does to some people. i'm lucky i heal well.

back on the sexual misadventure track the first time i ever came on a girl's face she breathed in through her nose right when the cum hit, so she wound up inhaling it back into her sinus cavity. apparently it's a bit caustic lmfao

again, not funny at the time...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Matin

back on the sexual misadventure track the first time i ever came on a girl's face she breathed in through her nose right when the cum hit, so she wound up inhaling it back into her sinus cavity. apparently it's a bit caustic

---

omg... ow. that would turn me from face shots for a long long time. Regardless if i was the shooter or the shootee


ooooo I have one. It isn't mine, but a friend told it at a party last week, and myself and my bestbud S (the only people listening who knew anything about bj's) are scarred for life. So hehe, i'll pass it on.

So, we'll call her "A." A had a new boyfriend for sometime when she finally decided it was time to get a bit more intimate with him. So she decides she'll give him a blow job. She makes all her plans, and brings him home on the night, turns off the lights and slowly undresses him. She takes his cock in her mouth.

And feels this crumbly, cheese tasting sensation.

She spits it out, runs and turns the lights on and... He hadn't had a "gentleman's wash" for a week.
AND She went out with him for 2 more years after that.


-shudder- I don't think I will ever give a bj in the dark again after that story.

OMG Ewwwwwww!

This didn't happen to me but it DID happen to a friend of mine.
It isn't a sexual story but rather a story about someone trying to find a one night stand.
Let me warn you this story is rather gross

She went to a local nightclub by herself hunting for one thing only and that was to be fucked.
She had a LOT to drink trying to muster up her courage. While she was sitting at a table a gorgeous man came and sat next to her. She had found what she was searching for.

While they were talking she started to feel that she would vomit, remember she had had WAY TOO much to drink.
She didn't want to excuse herself for fear he would leave the table and she definitely did not want to vomit in front of him so she leaned forward and placed her elbow on the table and her hand in her chin forcing her to keep her mouth closed.
A wave of vomit came up but she was able to contain it in her mouth without the man noticing it.
She started to swallow the vomit back down * GROSS * thinking he would never notice she had thrown-up.
She started to swallow when a second wave of vomit came up!
Her mouth was full and she was physically holding her mouth shut so there was no where for the vomit to go.
So it shot out of her nose right into the guy's lap!

He left and she went to the restroom.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by zarine13

omg ewwwwwww!

---

It sure is getting that way.

I'm sorry all
After thinking about it I probably shouldn't have posted that story
It is very gross

I hope I didn't upset anyone

lol he wanted to know about good plans going bad.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MissConfused

I'm sorry all
After thinking about it I probably shouldn't have posted that story
It is very gross

I hope I didn't upset anyone

---

lol, I can't speak for everyone, but you didn't offend me, if I had been watching that I would have burst out laughing..

That makes me pretty screwed up huh?


Dixie, the vomiting isn't that bad to me lol, but man, the not washing.. Bleh!!

As for my embarrassing situation, I don't really have any with the exception of being interrupted by a cop, but that's been pretty much gone over already lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MissConfused

I'm sorry all
After thinking about it I probably shouldn't have posted that story
It is very gross

I hope I didn't upset anyone

---

MC, Don't apologize. The one about the guy with the broken down car more than makes up for it. Still lmao about that one.

On the "OMG!! GROSS!! PEEWWW!!" scale, it doesn't hold a candle to SauvagePouline's tale of "A" and that filthy, obscene, revolting cretin.

And hey, she shouldn't apologize either. That one certainly qualified as a "sexual misadventure"...........not to mention a nightmare. Almost makes you want to swear off sex......almost.

DIXIE

Heard this wonderfully zany line on the commuter train yesterday, shows what can happen when you bring your grandchildren near a Christmas tree. A sixty-year old woman is sitting back to back with me - could gauge her age from her voice - and she's telling the man next seat how she took her kid grandson (must have been, and he'd have been something like six years old I surmise) to a Christmas market:

"...and he says to me: 'You should steal those pacifiers hanging in Santa's tree, pee on them and then put 'em back!". I had to haul him away from there fast, you know people were beginning to look hard at us."

:D With 'pacifiers' for the mouth the little imp must have meant brass bells or tinted globes hung in the Christmas tree.

yeah- your poor friend SauvagePouline.
I can't fathom someone not giving themself a 'gentleman' wash for a week and letting a poor unsuspecting lady go down on him!

Aside from gross hygiene, it's very uncouth!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SauvagePouline

omg... ow. that would turn me from face shots for a long long time. Regardless if i was the shooter or the shootee


ooooo I have one. It isn't mine, but a friend told it at a party last week, and myself and my bestbud S (the only people listening who knew anything about bj's) are scarred for life. So hehe, i'll pass it on.

So, we'll call her "A." A had a new boyfriend for sometime when she finally decided it was time to get a bit more intimate with him. So she decides she'll give him a blow job. She makes all her plans, and brings him home on the night, turns off the lights and slowly undresses him. She takes his cock in her mouth.

And feels this crumbly, cheese tasting sensation.

She spits it out, runs and turns the lights on and... He hadn't had a "gentleman's wash" for a week.
AND She went out with him for 2 more years after that.


-shudder- I don't think I will ever give a bj in the dark again after that story.

---

Please don't think me a racist but I have heard men from Asian and Oriental countries do this on purpose
They want to degrade the woman by having her place a filthy penis in her mouth
They look at women like this as being whores and should be treated as such

Was the man involved of Asian/Oriental descent?

hooray comedy! and i'm drawing a blank but i'm gonna poll my friends for stories tonight.