A Questioning Need

[TomOfSweden]

A common misconception is that BDSM play has to be about sex. Sex is nice, but trust is important to, and if someone insists on sex as a part of play you should avoid them. You will learn this as you become more familiar with the lifestyle.

As for guidance, or mentoring, that is probably a good idea, discuss all aspects of it, and see if you are comfortable with it in R/l. If not, just ask around here, we are more than willing to help.

I meant it as a good way on learning human behaviour. A way to learn being a better person. Because, well....it was my school. It worked for me. I learned humility and to listen. I learned how to be greedy and violent and still have her begging for more. I killed off all my missconceptions of what it meant being submissive, and opened my mind to ignoring the "rules". Just because something worked for me doesn't have to mean that it will necesarily work for anybody else. There's plenty of guys who've screwed around a lot who haven't a clue. I didn't mean it as a fun game part of a BDSM relationship. It may be great. Both exciting and fun but it wasn't what I meant. It could just as well do a lot of damage, (but you don't need me to tell you that).

Fucking an experienced slave is off-course a fast track into it, but they're elusive creatures who shy away from beginner Masters, (for good reason he he).

edit: Even though it sounds very contradictory, considering I hang out here a lot. I belive theory on BDSM can't get you very far. First hand experience is required for any of the theory to make any sense. Again, this is me using myself as a reference. It may be that I'm not as quick as the rest of you but I would need personal guidance as well

[tessa]

Because, well....it was my school. It worked for me. I learned humility and to listen. I learned how to be greedy and violent and still have her begging for more. I killed off all my missconceptions of what it meant being submissive, and opened my mind to ignoring the "rules". Just because something worked for me doesn't have to mean that it will necesarily work for anybody else. First hand experience is required for any of the theory to make any sense. Again, this is me using myself as a reference.

Tom, what you have experienced and learned for yourself is exactly the type information I was hoping for when I posed this question in the first place. I can take all the pieces put out there and assimilate them into a working construct that will assist my husband and I in learning more and more...and more, hopefully. So again, thank you. What you offered up as advice and insight is quite a valuable resource for me.

As for guidance, or mentoring, that is probably a good idea

I agree, Rhabbi. My focus here isn't about ways to have better kinky sex. We already have a good bit of that. And what a grand secondary, but not my main objective. Nor my husband's. That's why Tom's advice to seek the input of an expert made perfect sense to me. Receiving guidance from someone who already has a working knowledge of the BDSM process would be a damn good resource as well.

It may be that I'm not as quick as the rest of you but I would need personal guidance as well

Your sense of humor just cracks me up, Tom. I'm still wiping away the laugh-y tears.

[Rhabbi]

Even though it sounds very contradictory, considering I hang out here a lot. I belive theory on BDSM can't get you very far. First hand experience is required for any of the theory to make any sense. Again, this is me using myself as a reference. It may be that I'm not as quick as the rest of you but I would need personal guidance as well

Tom,

We all need practical experience and mentoring. At least I did. When I first started I made horrendous mistakes, now I just make mistakes.