My Assingnment -- Pilloried in the Mid-East

[anonymouse]

Rhabbi, the leap in quality from your first draft is astonishing! I'll tell you something funny too. The link you sent me took me directly to the first draft. As I read through it I thought, oh no! There is so much work to do here and I struggled to find something 'gentle' to say, especially as you'd mentioned how proud you were of the story. Then, after I got to the end, I decided to scroll up to see which forum you'd posted to. Only THEN did I see the completed story! LOL!

Anyway, a really remarkable improvement that proves the old addage that writing is 5% inspiration and 95% hard work. Well done! And yes, you've also done a really good job with the narration perspective. The only real fault of any kind that jumped off the screen for me was 'noodle arms'. haha I'm sorry, but that was so funny it briefly broke the flow of the story. :-)

anonymouse

PS: Where do I book for a cruise like that?

[Rhabbi]

Rhabbi, the leap in quality from your first draft is astonishing! I'll tell you something funny too. The link you sent me took me directly to the first draft. As I read through it I thought, oh no! There is so much work to do here and I struggled to find something 'gentle' to say, especially as you'd mentioned how proud you were of the story. Then, after I got to the end, I decided to scroll up to see which forum you'd posted to. Only THEN did I see the completed story! LOL!

Anyway, a really remarkable improvement that proves the old addage that writing is 5% inspiration and 95% hard work. Well done! And yes, you've also done a really good job with the narration perspective. The only real fault of any kind that jumped off the screen for me was 'noodle arms'. haha I'm sorry, but that was so funny it briefly broke the flow of the story. :-)

anonymouse

PS: Where do I book for a cruise like that?

I am gald you liked it, and I am sorry it took so long. I actually posted the wrong version. I edited the noodle arms out after Ruby pinted them out, and posted the unimproved version. sorry.