Are You A Slave?

[hopperboo]

I get the impression from many that a slave is considered to be "better" than a submissive.

A slave does, this, a slave is that, a submissive...well they are just always aspiring to what they haven't and can't obtain - slavehood.

A person who has no limits, no laundry list of things they won't do...hmm. I don't think that is healthy. There should always come a point where a "no" comes in.

Dominant: I am going to tie you. Sub: Yes.
Dominant: I will use you. Sub: Yes.
Dominant: You will jump off a bridge. Sub: NO.

See. It's good to have limits. The person that doesn't have any just jumped off that bridge and splatted everywhere.

[lucy]

I get the impression from many that a slave is considered to be "better" than a submissive.

You took the words right out of my mouth (or is it the keyboard?)

[Flaming_Redhead]

A slave is the epitome of submission. However, a slave is only "better than" a submissive in terms of personal preference. Not all dominants want that much responsibility. Not all submissives want to give up that level of control. Although slavery may not be for everyone, there is generally some admiration by those in the lifestyle for those in M/s relationships because of the level of committment, trust, respect, etc., which are things not taken from the slave but freely given. On the other hand, there are those who point the finger and cry "unhealthy" at things they don't understand because of their own trust issues or sheer ignorance.

On a side note, what really irks me is this constant "I'm just as (insert lifestyle term) as a real life/lifestyle (insert lifestyle term)." I'm sorry, but if you're online or a weekend warrior, you're NOT *just as* (insert lifestyle term) as someone who is real life or 24/7. Guess what? It doesn't matter if you are or aren't (insert lifestyle term) as someone else. It should only matter to the people involved in the relationship. The bickering starts when you try to claim you're something you're not to others to make yourself feel more (insert adjective). Being open-minded and accepting doesn't mean you can piss on my leg, tell me it's raining, and expect me to believe it! *end of rant*

[DowntownAmber]

The slave vs sub semantic battle will likely remain one of those great unresolved issues of Lifestyle verbiage for me. As MMI most recently pointed out, even one that is labeled a slave is a slave by consent and with the power to rescind their commitment at any time.

Granted, it may take an extreme act for them to do so, but they still have that power regardless.

So, how do you really define a Lifestyle slave then? For me it's like trying to pin down what it takes to be an artist - as my friend L (who is a painter) is fond of repeating, "Amber, the only criteria required to be an artist is to posses the ability to say, 'I am an artist.' It's one of the only jobs where no one can actually prove you otherwise."

And please, before the irrational flaming begins because someone's blood sugar is low today, no, I do not think all or even most Lifestyle slaves just decided to announce that they are what they are because they thought it sounded sexier than being just a "plain ol' sub." Those I have met that bear the title tend to be extremely devoted to all aspects of their service and are frankly some wonderful girls (sorry guys, I don't really know any male slaves well).

As for the "which is better?" or "deserves more respect?" debate between subs and slaves that these threads inevitably seem to fan the flames of; how about instead of judging people by how they choose to represent their submission or how often, we give them credit for how well they apply themselves to the role they have individually taken on? What's better about a slave that shirks her contracted obligations than a sub that gives 110% of herself each time she sees her Dom, even if it may only be once every couple of months?

A lot of folks think that to be a doctor, for example, is to have a career that deserves instant respect and a higher level of social regard as opposed to say, being a mechanic. However, if I'm given the choice between a lax doctor and a dedicated mechanic, guess which one is going to have my respect? Too many variables folks, sorry, no one role gets any instant admiration from this girl. Simply, whatever you choose just do your best to be your best at it.

[DowntownAmber]

On a side note, what really irks me is this constant "I'm just as (insert lifestyle term) as a real life/lifestyle (insert lifestyle term)." I'm sorry, but if you're online or a weekend warrior, you're NOT *just as* (insert lifestyle term) as someone who is real life or 24/7. Guess what? It doesn't matter if you are or aren't (insert lifestyle term) as someone else. It should only matter to the people involved in the relationship. The bickering starts when you try to claim you're something you're not to others to make yourself feel more (insert adjective). Being open-minded and accepting doesn't mean you can piss on my leg, tell me it's raining, and expect me to believe it! *end of rant*

I gotta say I'm the first one to raise an eyebrow when someone who has never felt a flogger and has never had a good crash coming down outta' subspace tries to tell me how it should feel and how I should respond to it. I do also giggle a bit at the girls that think they just look cute in the "outfits" or the guys that figure if they call themselves a Dom it'll be easier to score with those "easy subbie chicks."

However, how submissive or how Dominant you are does not depend on how much experience you have or how you choose to explore it. Sure, real life experience refines and defines a lot of uncertainties, but being (insert lifestyle term here) is like labeling yourself a slave: no one gets to define your reality but you.

A gal on another forum I read occasionally broached the question as to whether or not one can be a sub if one is without a Dom. Lack of a partner, or having a partner on the other side of a computer screen, does not change who you are on the inside. This gal, whether she's physically on her knees actively serving or not, is still one of the most beautifully submissive personalities I've come across, and actively seeks to engage and understand her submission which is more than I can say for some of the 24/7 Lifestylers I've met.

Being a (insert lifestyle term here) isn't like getting an Engineering degree, it's an inner essence we nurture or we don't.