A Few Questions from a Novice

[Little Man]

Hello Jade,

I'm Little Man and I am a male submissive in the UK in an online relationship with my Dominant in the US.

May I re-order you questions please? Firstly I think that before jumping into a D/s relationship both of you need to talk at length about each other, who you are, what you do, where you live. There has to be complete trust and you won't have that if there is something niggling away at the back of your mind all the time saying "I'm not sure". I corresponded with the lady that is now my Dominant for months before eventually asking Her to accept my request for submission. Only when I felt that she genuinely cared for and trusted me did I feel that it was safe to continue. This holds good for doing things like sending photographs. Are you sending the photos at your instigation or His? Your relationship is not about him doing you a favour. It's all about learning to be a submissive and letting yourself grow in that. If you have that niggling sensation then I would suggest that you don't know each other well enough yet. As I said, it can take months of talking before you even reach the stage where you will freely give yourself.

Secondly, online training. Frankly it can be frustrating and you will be carrying out most of your tasks alone. It is easy to cheat and all that I can say is that if you are genuine, then the temptation shouldn't be there. Some will tell you that online is just fantasy play. It is just as intense but is much more the mindfuck that you may have heard about than. Like anything else in life, if you want it to work and you give 100%, then you should achieve success. When I am out and about, if I do something that I feel that my Dominant should know about, I tell her and wait for her reply. You have to place you Master in the forefront of your mind. We must not let them down.

Finally, if he is doing his job properly you should feel cared for and respected. Submission is not all about sitting at your computer waiting for the orders to come. You should have a perfectly normal relationship, chat and laugh. Cry too at times. He is the lead and you must obey as he knows why he is testing you and you don't need to know what that is unless he tells you. However, you need a rapport too. Read up on the subject, keep your journal if you have one, and have FUN.

Hope that helps a little. Take care.

little man

[littlecub]

welcome Jade

You Submission is not all about sitting at your computer waiting for the orders to come. should have a perfectly normal relationship, chat and laugh. Cry too at times.

thanks Little Man.. i have had several o/l Dommes in the last year some good and others not so much.. but one other thing is they were all different from one another as far as how they looked at it and there need in a sub.. a few were fakes, one was not stable, so getting to know each other is very important! as it having "fun" but it can also be very emotionally draining to pour your heart out day after day over the internet, feeling develop that do not always end up the way you dream them.also it has turned out to just as intense as r/l for me and least on an emotional level, you type things and thoughts and feeling to each other every time that you would not necessarily share with a person sitting right beside you. you can build up an image of them in your mind that doesn't always transfer over to real life if you ever do meet this Dom/me that you have spent so much time and emotion on, so friendship first, then if it don't work then at least your still friends.

Keep in mind that the first person you meet for an o/l or even the 4th person wont necessarily be for You, "Have Fun" would be my biggest advice if its not fun don't waist your time.. also make some other friends here on the forum has helped me too and in chat.
sorry i i bounced around a bit but i have been struggling with the same questions as you for a while now.
good luck, have fun, and protect yourself from the fakes

[dapperling]

Hi Little man,Thanks for this great advice! Jade i completely sympathies with your questions and worries, its good to know that trusting your instincts really is the good way to go

Hello Jade,

I'm Little Man and I am a male submissive in the UK in an online relationship with my Dominant in the US.

May I re-order you questions please? Firstly I think that before jumping into a D/s relationship both of you need to talk at length about each other, who you are, what you do, where you live. There has to be complete trust and you won't have that if there is something niggling away at the back of your mind all the time saying "I'm not sure". I corresponded with the lady that is now my Dominant for months before eventually asking Her to accept my request for submission. Only when I felt that she genuinely cared for and trusted me did I feel that it was safe to continue. This holds good for doing things like sending photographs. Are you sending the photos at your instigation or His? Your relationship is not about him doing you a favour. It's all about learning to be a submissive and letting yourself grow in that. If you have that niggling sensation then I would suggest that you don't know each other well enough yet. As I said, it can take months of talking before you even reach the stage where you will freely give yourself.

Secondly, online training. Frankly it can be frustrating and you will be carrying out most of your tasks alone. It is easy to cheat and all that I can say is that if you are genuine, then the temptation shouldn't be there. Some will tell you that online is just fantasy play. It is just as intense but is much more the mindfuck that you may have heard about than. Like anything else in life, if you want it to work and you give 100%, then you should achieve success. When I am out and about, if I do something that I feel that my Dominant should know about, I tell her and wait for her reply. You have to place you Master in the forefront of your mind. We must not let them down.

Finally, if he is doing his job properly you should feel cared for and respected. Submission is not all about sitting at your computer waiting for the orders to come. You should have a perfectly normal relationship, chat and laugh. Cry too at times. He is the lead and you must obey as he knows why he is testing you and you don't need to know what that is unless he tells you. However, you need a rapport too. Read up on the subject, keep your journal if you have one, and have FUN.

Hope that helps a little. Take care.

little man