This didn't happen to me but it DID happen to a friend of mine.
It isn't a sexual story but rather a story about someone trying to find a one night stand.
Let me warn you this story is rather gross

She went to a local nightclub by herself hunting for one thing only and that was to be fucked.
She had a LOT to drink trying to muster up her courage. While she was sitting at a table a gorgeous man came and sat next to her. She had found what she was searching for.

While they were talking she started to feel that she would vomit, remember she had had WAY TOO much to drink.
She didn't want to excuse herself for fear he would leave the table and she definitely did not want to vomit in front of him so she leaned forward and placed her elbow on the table and her hand in her chin forcing her to keep her mouth closed.
A wave of vomit came up but she was able to contain it in her mouth without the man noticing it.
She started to swallow the vomit back down * GROSS * thinking he would never notice she had thrown-up.
She started to swallow when a second wave of vomit came up!
Her mouth was full and she was physically holding her mouth shut so there was no where for the vomit to go.
So it shot out of her nose right into the guy's lap!

He left and she went to the restroom.