Male submissives

[98tiller]

On the subject of the male subs having "fantasies", isn't that where we all started? We had a fantasy in our head and we wanted to find out if someone wanted to share it. Like it or not we were all noobs at one point and didn't know a paddle from a pair o' nipple clamps. The fantasy is usually the jumping off point for an interest in all forms of kink, some of the things that really turn me on now I didn't even know existed when I first started to explore.

I have mostly lurked on here for a while, I do not like chat as it is too superficial I prefer thought out responses rather than, I better type quick (I don't). I am not a natural communicator as I am a male, a New Englander, and Scottish).

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).

Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).

Is it not obvious that male subs are nervous about putting themselves out there? The first is look how "submissive" men are portrayed in society, they are certainly not valued and are usually shunned. On top of that how about having your deepest desires dismissed and crushed (and not in the fun way) by the very sub-culture of society that is suppose to understand?

Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.

[LooseLois]

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation)

That's about how I feel. The bdsm is a fantasy life. In real life I am not submissive and have professional job. I guess I created my persona to underline that fantasy element. It also makes it a lot easier for me to be kinky when it's obvious that I'm playing a role. Like an actor, I guess. Not that my profile is untrue. It is pretty true to my kinks and age and gender. But I ain't a fictional cartoon character from a non-existent RI town! But Lois's sassy sexuality is how I'd like to be in real life and there's plenty of kinky piccies of her on the web to attract the occasional male doms I really just want to submit to other's fantasies while making sure they know the hot buttons of what really turns me on, so we both get a thrill from it. It makes a big change from being in the driving seat in real life. That's how I feel.

[thir]

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).

I think you may find that one reason some dommes ask this (me, for instance, I am a domme/switch) is that for some unaccountable reason in many places there seem to be quite a number of male subs for every domme. You tend to get contacted a lot by people who are eager to tell you in great detail what you should do to them, while what you (or at least I) want is a relationship, or at least a play partner. In other words, something mutual. I am not a service organ, but get approached as if I were, rather than a human being with own interests. Thus, the expression 'what will you do to please me' is often a way to weed out people who haven't given the idea of what the partner might want a second thought.

Secondly, BDSM are so many things, from care free play to dead serious submission, and again, the expression 'what will you do for me' is appropriate and useful if what you want is dominance and a sub who wants to serve.

Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).

There is no 'of course' in BDSM, we are a much too diverse bunch of individuals for that. So no, not everybody want a domme in costume, some do not have this fetich, others are more interested in the personality of the person than the outfit, and for some, who may want a more life-style kind of relationship, it is not relevant, at least not on a daily basis.

As for me, my self-respect is not depending on costume or no costume ;-)
We had a saying where I come from, that if you could not dominate someone either naked or in daily clothes, you should hang up your whips ;-)

Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.

Reach out! You have to be kidding, we are being flooded as it is!
As for the rest, I think you will find that on this site people do try to share experiences and help each other as best we can.

[98tiller]

And yes, I do need a proof reader/editor, all interested persons apply within.