Advice on finding a Dom?

[skittish doe]

Hello! I wanted to share my support of several of the above posters. I do hope that you find all that you seek. This site can be a wonderful resource to aid your exploration, if you let it be.

deigja brings up an important point in meeting at munches – as she said, “depending on what you are looking for”. You will want to keep your end goal in mind (an in-person relationship – if that is what it is, for you.) even during the early stages of your search. denuseri’s suggestion of local clubs offers the same ‘local filter’. You are much more likely to meet a person who is local to you when you attend in-person events vs online. Having an in-person relationship may indeed be your main goal. Be honest with yourself when you are determining what you want. ‘What you want’ is another one of those ever-evolving things that people do well to continually evaluate.

Both of the above suggested methods of searching require a good dose of bravery; don’t forget to pat yourself on the back when you get back home. Make up your mind to come home alone though – actual relationships take time and even if you do meet “Mr/Ms perfect”, you will thank yourself later if you take things slower. In addition, if you will go with the goal of ‘meeting people’ -- specifically to make friendships with fellow kinksters -- you may find that friendships open more avenues for you than you may have imagined.

However, with both of these methods it is still important to realize first what you need. What your own cravings and tastes are. What you will and won’t do, as well as what you ‘might’. Online gives a safe method to sort out these kinds of things for yourself. Even reading through stories on this site gives you a nice way to list out what you really like, what you are interested in learning more about, and what you have no interest in. All of these are important to determine, for yourself.

In addition to the ‘figuring out you’ part (which – imho – is a lifelong evolution) there is the fact that people are so varied. To find the right fit, you may well need a larger than your local area. The sad part of this is that you may very well find a beautiful match – with one who lives far away. It comes down to asking yourself which parts are most important for you, personally.

As far as meeting likeminded folk and exploring your own desires, this site is a nice one. It offers people the opportunity to discuss various kinks in a non-threatening arena.

The ever-eloquent Solis gave such wise words regarding sorting the ‘good fits’ from the ‘not-for-you’ individuals. (I think I’ll write those down and keep them for daily use with folks in general.) I do hope you might follow his advice.

Take up the method lorem angelum spelled out in her post regarding learning, asking, absorbing.

Don’t give up in your quest, be willing to take your time, and always strive to further define your ever-shifting true self. You must stay true to your own needs, if you are to dovetail with another’s needs and be a solid match. If your end goal is to serve another, you want to do the best job of service that your authentic self is able to provide.

Best Wishes,
doe

[just_ine]

Be honest with yourself when you are determining what you want. ‘What you want’ is another one of those ever-evolving things that people do well to continually evaluate.

^
Being honest first with yourself. But be very clear in your honesty.

All the while being open-minded enough to realise that what you look for and what you get might not be the very same thing, but 'good-enough' often turn out to be 'better-than-perfect'.

j