Who am I?

[NIGHTWIDOW]

I am not sure what I am. I have a dominant personality but I want to be submissive I just don't know how. I'm searching for someone who can show me what submission is truly about. I gave all of myself to my ex and got nothing in return. How do I find out who I am?

[in2anything]

I understand how you feel and often wonder if I'm the only one. Apparently not :-) I wonder how many others feel as we do? Perhaps we should start our own little section of the forum to support those of us finding it difficult to learn to submit in spite of our desire to.

[jeanne]

To me submission is not 'giving up my will'. It is 'aligning my will with the will of my Dom'. In other words, what He wants, I then want. What He needs, I then need to provide. I merge my will with His.

[sub_lily]

Hello NightWidow,

You do pose a very good question. However, the answers will be and are different for every submissive. I, as well, am a very strong willed and a strong minded woman in my daily, working life which can make it a bit more difficult to 'cross' over, if you will. For many years I found myself in a state of not knowing. At that point is where I read as much about the lifestyle and submissiveness as well as talking to many Doms. For me, it helped talking to Doms rather than subs as every male, female, Dom/me, sub, switch, etc., is very different. In your journeys into your own submission something will happen, it is inexplainable but you just know this is who you are. Getting to that place will no longer be difficult wanting to stay there and getting back to it again afterwards is whats hard. Subspace is, for me, a magical place that only other subs know. Yes, their Dom/me's know too, they can see it...its written on your face, etched into your eyes, it seeps from your body but only a sub feels the deliciousness of it.

As far as your previous relationship is concerned, you stated you gave and gave and never recieved anything in return. One: This is a realization for you and the type of person this sig other is/was to you may not have been what you needed. Two: Again, in my opinion--submission to a Dom/me is a gift within itself--you satisfy your needs as well as the needs and desires of your Dom/me, and knowing that you are giving Them this is the return. Its the manner in which you give--the sub will always have the most power, if it weren't for you saying, "bind me, collar me, punish me, love me", it would never happen. Submissives have the abilty to seal their own fate. It is an amazing journey and the ups and downs will be well worth it. It has been for me thus far. I bid you farewell and wish you much luck and hope you find what it is you are seeking!

-Lily-

[Stone]

well every relationship is diffrent d/s or vanilla....it boils down to what works for you and your partner...I am a dom its what I am..no struggle with anyhting..well since I accepted it.. we all have that struggle dom or sub...is this really what I am?...am I sick?...why am I this way?....all I can say is I am what I am......

[caligirl{Rob}]

Hugs Nightwidow,
I honestly believe a submissive with a strong personality, a deep knowing of their worth and ability, can find the true wholeness that submitting can bring. I chuckle inside when people feel they have me figured out. The 24/7 peace I feel inside from being Master_Rob's submissive would seem to most completely contradictory to the strong, strong-willed, "dominant" person I am in "daily" life. I find whether it is the complete submission I give my Sarge, or simple respect, honor, good-will I give to co-workers, friends and strangers, is something given only because it is earned. I do not "owe" anyone anything other than common decency. I've walked away from meeting several "Doms", managers and administrators rolling my eyes thinking hmmmm poor saps, they seem to think they deserve my respect and they would and will never get it based on their own actions. Equally I have found people in service, people at a lower level on the job ladder gain unending respect and a my willingness to go above and beyond for them, as they treat me with respect and a genuine belief that we all have something to offer. A title does not make someone something they are not.

I have a true belief that you can and will find that person to not only be worthy of your submission, but someone who allows you to trust and respect to a level that you can truly be lost in the wholeness it brings to your soul. You do not have to give up who you are to be submissive, it is who you are.

hugs!

[Ozme52]

I am not sure what I am. I have a dominant personality but I want to be submissive I just don't know how. I'm searching for someone who can show me what submission is truly about. I gave all of myself to my ex and got nothing in return. How do I find out who I am?

I understand how you feel and often wonder if I'm the only one. Apparently not :-) I wonder how many others feel as we do? Perhaps we should start our own little section of the forum to support those of us finding it difficult to learn to submit in spite of our desire to.

I usually take a look at profiles before answering questions like these... but they're not available right now... so my answer is given somewhat in the dark.

Many dominant types find relief in giving control to another. Dominant in one role, submissive in another. There is no "correct" orientation. We go where we need to be.

Finding which role is right for you depends a lot on finding a correct and compatible partner. The search for such a partner can be difficult, but keep your eyes open, because he/she may be closer than you think, or may show up from an enexpected encounter.

There are many ways to begin your exploration into submission, so I will point out the following as an excellent approach, imo.

To me submission is not 'giving up my will'. It is 'aligning my will with the will of my Dom'. In other words, what He wants, I then want. What He needs, I then need to provide. I merge my will with His.

Pay heed, jeanne understands... this is a big factor toward succeeding with many dominants. Well... it certainly works for me.

[Lisais mine]

To me submission is not 'giving up my will'. It is 'aligning my will with the will of my Dom'. In other words, what He wants, I then want. What He needs, I then need to provide. I merge my will with His.

YES!!! that is submission in a nutshell. my girl is the same way. Oz and I are lucky men!

[Ozme52]

YES!!! that is submission in a nutshell. my girl is the same way. Oz and I are lucky men!

Lucky? Perhaps, but as I've said elsewhere, I like to think I have a good eye and make good choices.

I'm sure you realize it takes more than mere luck.

And then there's all the training...

[Lisais mine]

Lucky? Perhaps, but as I've said elsewhere, I like to think I have a good eye and make good choices.

I'm sure you realize it takes more than mere luck.

And then there's all the training...

Mere luck ?!?!
is there such a thing? providence has given us a gift. I know as well as you to that no amount of training ( or outright beating) can make a good sub. it is in the blood or it's not.

[buDdha]

Thanks to everyone who posted, and for the question in the first place!

As someone who is new as of yesterday to this forum, I've found these postings really helpful, if for no other reason than to see that folks are more complex than these "boxes" suggest

I'm also delighted to see how many women are like me -- strong, "dom" types in "daily" life and "subs" in the bedroom.

Part of, for me, what's been hard about finding out "who I am" has been that it seems like we can't do that on our own -- it's by pushing our limits (having them pushed) that we can even discover them. But who are we (am I) working with?

I have a somewhat flexible marriage -- swinging with permission and so long as everyone is involved -- but my fella isn't so interested in the bsdm scene (doesn't float his boat) and even online "affairs" without us both involved aren't part of the deal. So what do I do? For now, I'm a wall flower . . . .