Questions of a (complete) Newb

[mzkkbprmt]

I am a total newb, both to this site and to BDSM in general. I didn't even realise I was into stuff that would be considered BDSM until about a week or so ago, and I have a few questions about both this site and the community/lifestyle, that you've probably heard before but I really need answering (please!!!).

For context, I am 18 years old, male, and living with parents at the moment. I am pretty sure I am sub (to either male or female, I don't care) though have 0 experience and practically 0 knowledge. I have never been in a relationship, vanilla or otherwise. I am also into ABDL from both a sexual and a nonsexual/emotional attitude.


How did you discover what parts of BDSM you were into, and what parts you didn't like?

If you are limited in terms of freedom (can't order stuff, and no one else to do stuff with) how can you experiment safely?

What sort of protocols can I expect to find in the BDSM community? On this site in particular?

What would you say is the best way to get to know people on this site? I like to get into a community, not just be an object on the other side of a computer screen.

[Arria]

Hello mzkkbprmt,

Welcome to the site.

I recommend that you read everything you can get your hands on (there are stories on this page as well). You will see from your reactions/feelings towards the stories what you might like to try, and what doesn´t do anything for you.

You could also put an ad, seeking online partners, in the "Personals" section. Talking online about things is a good way to try out things and see which ideas appeal to you, and which don´t.

There is a chatroom on this page, too, and folks are usually quite helpful and friendly there.

Good luck.

Kind regards
Arria

[Misschief]

There is no wrong way,, No set way of doing 'it'.. BDSM is completely subjective.. Explore who you are in a safe, sane and consentual manner.. And never cross any boundary or comprimise any of your morals.. Don't do anything you do not want to, either conscious consent or consentual non-consent (like when your being raped but your body is loving that your mind cant stand whats happening..)

It is something you know about yourself, obviously.. Try to harness that raw pleasure you feel when you think about these things and make them come to life..

This is something that goes with with you for the rest of your life; it grows..

[leah06]

To get a sense of people and what they really do, I suggest reading the forums. Please remember that the stories are fiction, and they can be very extreme. As you explore more, you should be able to find ways of getting plugged into a r/l community near you, even if your at-home activities are limited.

[bpqueen]

How did you discover what parts of BDSM you were into, and what parts you didn't like?

If you are limited in terms of freedom (can't order stuff, and no one else to do stuff with) how can you experiment safely?

What sort of protocols can I expect to find in the BDSM community? On this site in particular?

What would you say is the best way to get to know people on this site? I like to get into a community, not just be an object on the other side of a computer screen.

Honestly, you get to know what you like/dislike through experience. I just stumbled across a semi-local dungeon which is big into teaching so it is pretty easy and fun to experience things like wax, fire, bondage/suspension and violet wand play. However, if you have neither partner, friend, nor local community, do research and find things that you can do to yourself. There is a book out there about bondage or BDSM on a budget and takes ordinary things around your house to use in kinky situations. I'm sure you can find it with only a minimal amount of research.

As to safety...Jas Wiseman preached in his 3 day workshop over the weeknd, NO SELF-IMMOBILIZING BONDAGE BY YOURSELF. 95% of all BDSM related fatalaties involved complete immobilization and no one else...this includes things like knocking over candles while flopping to tie yourself down and not being able to get yourself untied while the room around catches fire...

Protocols...each situation and group is different. Some like hard boundaries between Doms and subs, while others are more lax. This site pretty much has people from both persuations, but no one will put you down or judge you based upon a posting or otherwise not invited. If you start playing with someone, just be honest and let them know what you have researched and ask what they prefer for you to do/not to do.

And how to get to know people...read, post, and maybe check out the chat space.

There is my advice :-)

[plainsman1]

I would suggest getting on the net and finding clubs and organizations near you. Go meet the people ask questions. People for the most part in the Life Style are really good people and and excited to share their Life Style. Well that's my opinion

[rannai79]

i am a new to bdsm world also. i want to found where i fit in but right now i am pregnant. i told my husband about this but he want me to take the lead and i want him to. he is not in to this at all. i need a master. i want a master. i lived in fond du lac, wi

[Secret_Salope]

How did you discover what parts of BDSM you were into, and what parts you didn't like?

It started with my husband wanting to explore his bisexual side without inviting a guy into our relationship(so I bought my first strap-on). I had no idea what I was doing so I went to literotica.com and found a TON of things that I was interested in trying both as a slave and a Dom.

If you are limited in terms of freedom (can't order stuff, and no one else to do stuff with) how can you experiment safely?

You could try to find an online Dom initially. There are lots of things you can experiment with initially and than eventually either meet them in person or meet a new Dom in person.

What sort of protocols can I expect to find in the BDSM community? On this site in particular?

It epends on the Dom/slave. Some Dom's don't want others talking to their pet. Some Dom's want to be asked before assuming they'll talk to you. "I am a humble slave who wants to ask you some questions if you wouldn't mind Mistress/Master?" Something along the lines of that.

What would you say is the best way to get to know people on this site? I like to get into a community, not just be an object on the other side of a computer screen.

Read the posts. I've learned alot by just reading updates regularly. Going to the Chatroom is fun. It's kinda embarassing to just jump in there the first few times you go, just remember to ask before you private message anyone. Comment on people's posts. Ask questions. Put an ad up for a Dom. You never know what will come out of it.