Advice to a submissive on proper attitude and thinking.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

As being a new person to this arena, I wish to learn to be a proper submissive. I have many questions on attitude and thinking. I am not resistant to learning, just want to understand reasoning behind commands and acts so I can better myself as a sub.

My first question is what is the reasoning for humiliation?

[denuseri]

The fufilment of a key desire.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Be more specific, please. This is an area I must come to terms with!

[Ozme52]

If you understand how masochism, the pursuit of pleasure through physical pain, appeals to some, then think of humiliation as the pursuit of pleasure through emotional pain.

To be called a slut or whore, exposing ones inner desires for themself to see, or others to see, can be very liberating. Throw off the shackles of a society that says you have to be and act a certain way... put yourself into the emotional hands of another... and perhaps you will begin to understand.

In the physical throes of an orgasm and being told you're a dirty girl... can range from mild embarrassment full through to humiliating. It's not the humiliation that's important, it's how it powers the mental fugue of orgasm that makes it enthralling.

[MiaF]

it's my belief is that humiliation is a valuable and effective learning tool ... one that can readily help a girl to focus on her place and on her purpose.

for example ... if my owner wishes to humiliate me by having me pee on the side of the road, i have two choices ... refuse to do it and either incur his wrath for disobedience and suffer the consequence of my rapid departure from his life, or do as i am instructed, regardless of how the act may make me feel.

i believe the learning comes from the feelings i experiences during the act of humiliation ... and for me, those feelings always seem to come in a pair.

the first is the humiliation of the act itself ... the actual squatting and peeing, knowing full well i am behaving much like an animal, one that is certainly able to be seen by anyone who may happen to observe me.

the second feeling is the rush of excitement i feel in doing as i was told to do ... the doing of something a bit on the extreme side ... doing something to please my owner. and yes, i know that peeing on the side of the road is not very extreme, but the concept still applies.

in my world, these paired feeling are not at all easily forgotten.

kindly,
the slave girl called mia

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Thank you Sir, that gives me a much better understanding.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

What happens if a submissive likes to be a little bit of an imp, instead of always obeying?
I would think a little show of spirit and independent thinking would be much more interesting to a Dom.
Is there something wrong in this type of behavior and thinking?

[MasterRok]

If the sub doesn't obey then are they being honest with themselves about who and what they are? If the submissive wants to show spirit and independent thinking are they trying to get attention even if it's punishment or are they not true to the submission of themselves? It doesn't happen overnight with some to be submissive, but if you are a true sub then the independent thinking won't cause you to disrespect the dom's wishes.

[emeralds]

umm...im not very experienced and perhaps should not comment ...... but remember silver.. there are many colours in a rainbow... each is unique and very different from the others

some Dom's will say you are not submissive because you dont bow and scrape to any who tell you what to do... submission is an individual thing and the expectations should be negotiated between your dom and you..(or just between who you are playing with at the time...)
the same with humiliation...personally its not something that appeals but as a punishment..it is extremely effective....

[MiaF]

emeralds ... you raise a valid point.

who's to say what's impish behavior and if it's submissive or not.

thank you for reminding me of a key point i overlooked.

kindly,
the slave girl called mia

[denuseri]

When I hear of dominants complaigning about a submissive being too bratty for them to handle or not "submissive" enough for their tastes...it just reminds me of something a very wise slave once told me...."Only those with spirit's of greater strength can have any hope of dominanting those who are also strong."

As for my laconic answer to the op...as the spartans were known for saying I have found that sometimes: "One says more with less."

[lucy]

What happens if a submissive likes to be a little bit of an imp, instead of always obeying?
I would think a little show of spirit and independent thinking would be much more interesting to a Dom.
Is there something wrong in this type of behavior and thinking?

That would depend on the Dom. Mine likes me impish and cheeky, others wouldn't hesitate a second to get my ass in line.

On a side note: imho, there's no such thing as a true (twue) sub or true way of submission. There's as many ways as there are subs and Masters. It's really all about finding someone who's on the same wavelength or at least willing to work to eventually be on the same wavelength.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Thank you everyone for the input, it eases my mind considerably. I appreciate everyone's views because it brings into focus a much bigger picture for me, and that is priceless.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

My next question is one of pure curiosity?
How does an online Dom./sub. relationship work? What is the level of gratification, satisfaction when there is no physical contact?
How does one go from enjoying the physical contact to having none?

[emeralds]

Silver
happy to discuss this with you in pm.... tried writing but had more personal information that anyone would want to know..lol

if you get me on a bad day .... when we have both been busy or things have happened.... i will probably say online D/s relationships suck.. but if you get me on a good day when ive spend the last few hours talking or playing with him ............*blushing....its a very different story indeed.......

we do talk everyday.. sometimes long and intense, others just a quick catch up...and for me personally its been an exercise in building trust (but thats a whole other story)

what started as a temporary thing........... still is i guess ........but that was over 6 months ago and although it might happen..... i dont want to and cant imagine him not being there

hopefully when floods, families, work and life in general allow we will temporarily met in real....

[shaedee]

emeralds
Thank you for your comments, they have made good sense to me, I believe that given that each of us is an individual, we need to explore our own boundaries for individual issues prior to establishing a relationship. I think it is only safe for one personally and emotionally. The issues with an online relationship are ones which i think will be difficult but interesting to work through. hope you do get to meet in real life, after you all dry off down there,
be well

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Thanks everyone for your input, I am learning a lot.
I guess then what I should focus on is figuring out exactly what it is that I want out of a D/s relationship, what my limits are and of course what I can learn from the taskee society.
The question then is how do I know what's going to make me happy, if I haven't experienced the real thing yet. Or at least gone as far as what I imagine my limits to be at this point?

[denuseri]

My best advice to you is pretty much the same as it is to anyone new to online:

Online imho is great for many things. It can be used to learn and understand several principles in the arts of bdsm, especially theory.

It can work much the same as it would when real life partners have to continue in a long distance relationship but that by definition has several limitations compared to face to face. (and no web cam is not something I reccomend to over come that...its simpley not a good idea to have recognizable images of oneself spread all over creation, and no matter how safe you think your being with your cam sessions and pics...they will get out there one way or another, I know more than one submissive who has found herself plastered all over pay porn sites who was careful as all get out and never did cam or traded pics etc with anyone but the "online love of her life")

Does it really compare to real life in actual practice...imho ...no. Some people go the online relationship route, some don't and prefer to keep their online arrangments if any more casual, some use online as a stepping stone to real life and others have no intention of doing so. Many come online expecting one thing and find another entirely.

For people new to bdsm in general...I personally do not reccomend hooking up in any way shape or form right off the bat with any single online personality just becuase they have "dom" in their profile (one simpley cant know if that individual is exactly who and what they say they are from an online medium alone) and I especially warn against trusting people who want to "place you under their protection" (the site has ample ways for the staff and you yourself to protect you just fine without any such bs) for the simple reason that it often tends to limit by defualt the kinds of interactions and experiences that one will be able to gather when one becomes exclussively cyber collared or any such thing by another.

I would also avoid any individuals who try to restrict your access to information or limit your online time in certian ways or try to take away or have you give up real life freedoms beyound a certian point becuase they think they own you somehow before they have even so much as met you in real life yet.

(I know this all sounds like common sence but you would be amazed by how many people one sees online who appear to abandon it outright and or live in some kind of fantasy)

Whatever you do, I reccomend that you keep saftey in the forefront of any of your dealings and take what people tell you with several grains of salt if you know what I mean.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Wow densuri,
You give a lot of good common sense advice. There are some points in there I had not considered, simply because of having a trusting personality. I tend to live simply and forget it can be a big bad world out there if I'm not careful.
I have lot's more to consider...I think I need to ponder these things for a while.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Denuseri,
I apologize for misspelling your name. It shows a bit of carelessness, I will work on that.

[denuseri]

lol no worries love we all make mistakes from time to time...Im no grammer nazi...HUGS.

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Thanks Denuseri, you're a sweety.

I've been doing a lot of reading on this site, and on a site that I was sent a link to. This has been an eye opening experience for me. After reading, thinking, checking myself for how things resonate within me, I have come to make some amazing discoveries about myself. There is much more for me to read and study, but this is pretty much what I've learned about myself so far.
I know without a doubt I have a genuine desire to submit. A desire to please One that I can respect, deeply and profoundly. I know for myself that I would have to respect their mind, love their mind to submit to it. It would be a complete surrender, wholly trusting.
A total willingness to do or be as wished.
When I first came to this site, I had in my mind certain limitations, but as I have beed studying, it has become clear to me that, imho, (thanks denuseri...lol) it takes more strenght of character to be completely vunerable to another than not. It shows a depth of trust love and complete faith in your protector, your chosen Master/Mistress.
Any comments to help me further along would be greatly appreciated.

I do want to thank everyone for being so supportive, patient and forgiving of my blunders as I've bumped along so far. You're all great!

[ks17]

I agree completely. I serve my Master without question, but that doesn't make me any less independent. When I'm honest with myself and my Master I go against His wishes when I am looking for attention, usually in the form of punishment. He understands this. There's nothing wrong with me being independent and spirited in His eyes as long as I am not disrespectful or dishonest with him. Anyway, in answer to your question, I think whether the behavior is right or wrong really depends on the Dom/Master and what He/She expects from you.

[Ozme52]

Im no grammer nazi...HUGS.

Klearly!!

[silver_one {Leaman}]

I agree completely. I serve my Master without question, but that doesn't make me any less independent. When I'm honest with myself and my Master I go against His wishes when I am looking for attention, usually in the form of punishment. He understands this. There's nothing wrong with me being independent and spirited in His eyes as long as I am not disrespectful or dishonest with him. Anyway, in answer to your question, I think whether the behavior is right or wrong really depends on the Dom/Master and what He/She expects from you.

Ks,

Thank you. I've really had a terrific eye opener since I joined this site, my whole attitude about a D/s relationship has changed, I agree that in part it's up to your Master, but in truth, isn't it an agreed upon, unique to each of your personalities, tolerence of behaviors?
Am I still heading the right way?

[ks17]

Yes, you are heading in the right way. The behavior would be agreed upon ahead of time and in many cases it's talked about between the Dom and the sub.

[leo9]

What happens if a submissive likes to be a little bit of an imp, instead of always obeying?
I would think a little show of spirit and independent thinking would be much more interesting to a Dom.
Is there something wrong in this type of behavior and thinking?

It's a matter of taste, but I far prefer that type. In the first place, I don't believe someone without an independent mind has any place in a D/s relationship: you can't give yourself if you don't own yourself.

And in the second place, "impish" or rebellious subs are more fun because they give endless opportunities to whip them back into line

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Gesh, don't know about that...I don't see myself being so disrespectful as to call for that form of punishment, Sir.
I do however, agree that you can not give away what you do not possess (own).

[silver_one {Leaman}]

Dealing with online relationships is new to me, so when you've upset your master, how long do you let him simmer before sending a message other than the specified greetings?
Any tips?

[Ozme52]

You don't let him simmer at all!! You obey his instructions and suffer as directed. Letting him" simmer" implies you are trying to control the situation. That's not why a submissive desires a dominant in their life. If you want control, be a bottom. Look for a top. Or be a domme who acquires a service top as a submissive.