Am I on the right track?

[jebthehum]

Hi (I'm new).

I'm looking for feed back on this story I've started writing. I'm a bit worried that my writing style is dull/pretentious. I've tried writing a couple of stories before but never finished them.

I've attached what I've written so far. There's no fun stuff in there yet, just one masturbation scene. Also, my spelling is absolutely attrocious, i'll have to get a spell checker.

Anyway, here's the plot.

Very prim, proper, rich girl (Karen, early twenties) get's a spell put on her by the sister of her ex-boyfriend (I promise this is the only improbable plot device I'll use).
This spell causes Karen to become increadibly horny and be addicted to eating cum, with the sadistic twist that after she is satisfied she goes back to being her normal self for a while. It also takes a while to fully kick in so we get to enjoy Karen transforming from stuck up cunt to worthless cumwhore

Okay, my planned sequence of events after what i've written so far:
Karens conversation with her friend. Last chance to nail down her personality before the fun begins. Followed up by masturbation with her new toys probably.

K caught masturbating in toilets by her boss (unisex toilet...), boss blackmails her into letting him spank then fuck her. The blackmail + her new found cock craving convince her to agree.

a few days later, K caught fucking slimeball guy in office and sent home (public humiliation). Cum craving not satiated she takes a couple of random guys into a public toilet and blows them. She begs them to cum in her mouth, they decide to cum on the floor.

Cleaning guy/toilet attendent catches her licking up the cum from the floor and fucks her in the ass. This is NC since she's satisfied her urges at this point. He'll probably piss on her as she's licking up his cum.

Skip forward a day or two and K is desperate again, tries to get her dog to fuck her, but he's got no balls and isn't interested. Ends up wondering the streets, crashes a party, gets gang banged for several hours. clothes stolen, she get's a lift off a guy but he makes her walk part of the way home naked when she won't give him her number. Miracleously she is not raped. Or maybe she is. decisions, decisions...

Skip forward again, the witch sister turns up at K's flat with a couple of guys, they kidnap her. Or maybe promise her cock if she follows them...

Epilogue: Karen totally degraded, wearing boxing gloves to stop her constantly masturbating, begging for cum, living in a dog cage (with dogs?) making videos for the internet ect

The End.

So... what do you think?

My apologies for the long post, thanks for reading