Quote Originally Posted by Mad Lews View Post
Rhabbi,
Methinks thou doth protest too much.

Yes it isn't easy to write from an unfamiliar point of view but it's both challenging and enlightening. Your original attempt was truly little more than a rough sketch, and from there you went on to create a full blown short story. An excellent job I might add. The story now has a plot, a reason and purpose for the actions described, and the main character/narrator has some depth, dimension, and personality. That's what makes the story believable, or at least lets the reader suspend disbelief while they read the tale. They can now care about your narrator and will want to find out what's going to happen to her.


I sometimes think the most interesting stories are told from the submissive female’s point of view, but then I'm sort of partial to cute female subbies myself.


You did a great job Rhabbi. Now just don't balk if Ruby should tell you to tighten it up, make it shorter and work on the transitions. The polishing process will take this fine story and create a tale that will grab a reader, pull them along, and hit them with an even more intense impact.


One secret of the story telling trade is that any story can always be told a little better. Editing isn't something that's ever truly done and over. Don't let that discourage you, just use it to your advantage. Be willing to go through a story one more time until you are (or in this case Ruby is,) satisfied. And even as you admire the next rewrite know that if you reread it in a month you'll probably see a few more things you could do to make it better still.


Take care, write well, revise cheerfully and I’ll be seeing you in level 4 before long.
Yours
Mad Lews
Thank you for the kind thoughts Lews, but the truth reallly is that I cannot tell if this story works.

I was always told to write what you know. I do not know this perspective, and it was extremley difficult for me to reach the point I did. My word processor actually keeps trach of revisions, and it took over 200 for me to reach the point that was published here. Lots of work, but I am gald I did it.